QED
It’s 6.30am and The Groundsman is noticeable by his absence, which is not the sort of thing you’d particularly want on your curriculum vitae. The aches and pains of seven days previously have turned inside out and the afflictions of various internal organs have changed direction and are now affecting discs and vertebrae and whatever else you might discover in a spine or back or any particular body part to be found in that general area of the human frame.
With the stadium taking shape and the final touches being applied, Coaches Wixey and Harris excuse themselves to create a pair of grammatically challenged Whatsapp videos which, apart from several references to an Irish tapper, seem to consist almost exclusively of a series of raucous incantations, reminiscent of the ‘pot roast’ scene in Rider Haggard’s King Solomon’s Mines – and a fair bit of rolling around and laughing.
The Chairman, who has been out of action since well before Christmas with a similar problem to The Groundsman’s 13th January issues, rolls up with the First Lady at 8.22am to carry out a full Ofstead(man) inspection, though for reasons unknown, fails to make it past the tin of flapjacks that the FL has just placed on the kitchen counter.
Nureyev’s ability to lose most of his possessions at the drop of a hat has led to a number of suggestions that on his next overnighter, he be billeted in a single room containing no furniture whatsoever, thus making it virtually impossible for him to return home with a half empty luggage bag. These ideas are well and truly put to rest however as pre-match, he manages to lose his GPSFA tie while still wearing it.
With the ill, sick and incapacitated all back on the team sheet, hopes are high of a return to winning ways, but the performance against a tidy Dacorum side, wearing a rather fetching red & white check kit, is disappointing. The visitors take a ninth minute lead from the spot, Nicholls following up to net after Kenny saves his initial effort, before Billy hobbles off around the fifteen-minute mark.
Mustoe, the brightest spark in a lacklustre display brings us level with a fine free kick just after the interval, but we never look like scoring again and Dacorum win it thanks to an excellent strike with twelve minutes remaining.
The Weatherman predicts that storms are imminent and the Bs will lose in the same breath, so everyone knows that neither prediction has the remotest chance of occurring. Big Sam, appalled to be associated, by both team and school with such implausible prognostications, goes off to join The Yellows’ squad who pull the plug on Bath, scoring six without reply in glorious sunshine. ‘Nice to play in a winning team,’ is his only comment when interviewed in front of the entrance hall sponsors’ board some five minutes after the final whistle.
Chef Foran cashes up, blaming the dip in refreshment takings not on a preponderance of Costa Coffee cups in the hands of many of the visiting supporters, but on the fact that for some reason Mrs Steadman had only brought 20% of her usual weekly donation of flapjacks when making her earlier pre-match visit.
And so to Sainsbury’s for an afternoon spent bag-packing and chatting to the superstore’s customers in equal measure. Grandmother of Smiling Leo Taylor is not the only person to collect their shopping in a pair of Tesco carrier bags before standing proud and unabashed like a hunter with its prize, to be captured for both posterity and profit by the omnipresent Lens. Indeed, the ever-mobile cameraman spends a couple of happy hours photographing players in tandem with both till operators and random shoppers – before trying to sell the evidence at two quid a time afterwards.
Also captured on film is Coach Wilson who, after manning the barricades for just over two hours, makes his way home via the frozen food counter and, anxious to avoid paying over the odds – or to be honest, paying anything at all – sneaks out via the self service checkout and the ‘No Exit’ doorway.
The totalling of the receipts reveals an amazing take of £505.50 and 5 Canadian cents, but more importantly an abundance of compliments in regard to sociability, manners, respect and politeness. We live in a materialistic world too often dominated by possession and greed, but the most important things in life cost nothing at all.
And this twenty two-strong group has displayed them in abundance this afternoon and throughout the season to date. As the wise man once said – ‘It’s nice to be important, but it’s far more important to be nice.’ Quod erat demonstrandum.
Gloucester 2017/18: Adichareh, Ansermoz, Fortey, Franks, Hanlon, Harris, Hayes, Kelly, Knight (A), Knight (W), Laverton, Limbrick, Mitchell, Mustoe, Pargeter, Peirce, Randall, Sargeant, Taylor, Thomas, Walters, Williamson.
With the stadium taking shape and the final touches being applied, Coaches Wixey and Harris excuse themselves to create a pair of grammatically challenged Whatsapp videos which, apart from several references to an Irish tapper, seem to consist almost exclusively of a series of raucous incantations, reminiscent of the ‘pot roast’ scene in Rider Haggard’s King Solomon’s Mines – and a fair bit of rolling around and laughing.
The Chairman, who has been out of action since well before Christmas with a similar problem to The Groundsman’s 13th January issues, rolls up with the First Lady at 8.22am to carry out a full Ofstead(man) inspection, though for reasons unknown, fails to make it past the tin of flapjacks that the FL has just placed on the kitchen counter.
Nureyev’s ability to lose most of his possessions at the drop of a hat has led to a number of suggestions that on his next overnighter, he be billeted in a single room containing no furniture whatsoever, thus making it virtually impossible for him to return home with a half empty luggage bag. These ideas are well and truly put to rest however as pre-match, he manages to lose his GPSFA tie while still wearing it.
With the ill, sick and incapacitated all back on the team sheet, hopes are high of a return to winning ways, but the performance against a tidy Dacorum side, wearing a rather fetching red & white check kit, is disappointing. The visitors take a ninth minute lead from the spot, Nicholls following up to net after Kenny saves his initial effort, before Billy hobbles off around the fifteen-minute mark.
Mustoe, the brightest spark in a lacklustre display brings us level with a fine free kick just after the interval, but we never look like scoring again and Dacorum win it thanks to an excellent strike with twelve minutes remaining.
The Weatherman predicts that storms are imminent and the Bs will lose in the same breath, so everyone knows that neither prediction has the remotest chance of occurring. Big Sam, appalled to be associated, by both team and school with such implausible prognostications, goes off to join The Yellows’ squad who pull the plug on Bath, scoring six without reply in glorious sunshine. ‘Nice to play in a winning team,’ is his only comment when interviewed in front of the entrance hall sponsors’ board some five minutes after the final whistle.
Chef Foran cashes up, blaming the dip in refreshment takings not on a preponderance of Costa Coffee cups in the hands of many of the visiting supporters, but on the fact that for some reason Mrs Steadman had only brought 20% of her usual weekly donation of flapjacks when making her earlier pre-match visit.
And so to Sainsbury’s for an afternoon spent bag-packing and chatting to the superstore’s customers in equal measure. Grandmother of Smiling Leo Taylor is not the only person to collect their shopping in a pair of Tesco carrier bags before standing proud and unabashed like a hunter with its prize, to be captured for both posterity and profit by the omnipresent Lens. Indeed, the ever-mobile cameraman spends a couple of happy hours photographing players in tandem with both till operators and random shoppers – before trying to sell the evidence at two quid a time afterwards.
Also captured on film is Coach Wilson who, after manning the barricades for just over two hours, makes his way home via the frozen food counter and, anxious to avoid paying over the odds – or to be honest, paying anything at all – sneaks out via the self service checkout and the ‘No Exit’ doorway.
The totalling of the receipts reveals an amazing take of £505.50 and 5 Canadian cents, but more importantly an abundance of compliments in regard to sociability, manners, respect and politeness. We live in a materialistic world too often dominated by possession and greed, but the most important things in life cost nothing at all.
And this twenty two-strong group has displayed them in abundance this afternoon and throughout the season to date. As the wise man once said – ‘It’s nice to be important, but it’s far more important to be nice.’ Quod erat demonstrandum.
Gloucester 2017/18: Adichareh, Ansermoz, Fortey, Franks, Hanlon, Harris, Hayes, Kelly, Knight (A), Knight (W), Laverton, Limbrick, Mitchell, Mustoe, Pargeter, Peirce, Randall, Sargeant, Taylor, Thomas, Walters, Williamson.
