Saturday 8th January

A day of almost perfect symmetry. Win the game, lose the pitch, Gloucester City draw. 1-1-1. Return to the pavilion at 5.30 to clean up, sweep out the various rooms and sort the bin bags, the goalless draw v Boston at New Meadow Park having done little to inspire any of the unfortunates in the four-figure crowd. Thankfully, it’s dark at GL2 and it’s impossible to see the devastation that yesterday was our beautiful, beautiful pitch. Suppress the urge to weep and go to the Tennis Centre instead, hoping to book something for next Saturday, but told that Aspire’s systems are down, so please come back tomorrow.

Sunday 9th January

Return to Longlevens to do some work on the pitch, but soon realise it’s too bad to do anything constructive with. Fork in half a bag of grass seed, knowing full well it won’t germinate in January, but at least it makes you feel slightly better. Mop some floors, then go to Oxstalls to try to book pitches for next week, but am told the systems are down (which we know) and all we have is sheets of paper that now contain the rudiments of a timetable. Told to come back later. Come back later and told to come back tomorrow.

Monday 10th January

Early-morning visit to OSP but the updated timetables haven’t come in yet, so go back in the afternoon. As far as the receptionists are aware, the 3G’s fully booked until twelve and booked again from two, so to all intents and purposes there’s a 120-minute slot available between midday and 2 o’clock. Book the slot provisionally, with the idea of playing A, B & Development games side-by-side, as need to confirm the new kick-off times with St Albans before finalising everything. St Albans think thirds are too small for district 9-a-side games (which, to be fair, they probably are), so we agree to use the full 9s pitches, but we now need to find a different piece of 3G for the Development game.

Back to OSP for Monday evening coaching, where Manning gives a masterclass in open-body finishing, while Brooks, the hero of the hour just two days ago, doesn’t. Folley, meanwhile, is producing a level of decibel never previously heard in the Plock Court area. ‘Has he been alright at school today?’ someone asks. ‘He’s been rejected twice, once in the morning and once in the afternoon,’ replies Clifford, though the logic of his explanation is not altogether apparent. In other matters, The Model has tested positive for Covid again, which means he’s out for the weekend. Down to ten.

Tuesday 11th January

Another early-morning OSP visitation to confirm the 12-2 slot for the U11s and am told there should be a 7s pitch available on the Rugby 3G, but they’ll ring to confirm. No phone call, so come back to OSP, only to be told that the Rugby pitch is now fully booked. This seems strange, so decide to invoke the ‘It’s not what you know, but who you know’ mantra, wait till the staff shift changes at three and head back at 3.05. The now-incumbent duty manager, who’s wearing an extremely garish, multicoloured jumper, confirms there is currently no-one on the Rugby 3G on Saturday morning, so we book a 7s pitch for 10.30-12.00. There really is a pot of gold at the end of the duty manager’s rainbow.

Send the newsletters out two days late, then tweak the programme and email everything to the printers. Contact the referees’ association as we now need another official due to the As & Bs playing at the same time.

Wednesday 12th January

With all three pitches now safely booked, pop into the Arena Reception to sort out some changing rooms for the six teams. While the very helpful staff confirm it’s their building, they also confirm that Aspire run it for the University at weekends, so go back to the Tennis Centre. The receptionist notes down all requests and says she’ll ring later to confirm everything, which on this occasion happens. Sorted. Finally. On footballing matters, The Druid’s Osgood Slatters has returned with what is hopefully a temporary vengeance and his knees aren’t feeling too good, so he’s out for the weekend. Down to nine.

Thursday 13th January

Collect the programmes from Typecraft, then go to Tesco to buy enough sustenance to put in the three away changing areas and some nibbles to put in our three. ‘Having a party?’ asks the nice lady on the till. ‘I think we’ve already had one,’ I reply.

No luck with the refs’ group, but Lee comes up trumps by enlisting Harvey Moroney, our 2016/17 goalkeeper, to officiate the Yellows’ game via his all-seeing Facebook page, whatever that is.

Friday 14th January

Back to OSP, but not till 5 o’clock this time, as it’s our weekly team coaching session. Bennett’s had a head-knock at school, but will hopefully be fit for tomorrow, so down to just eight for the next sixty minutes. Folley’s reasonably decibel-free (it’s all relative), so we have a fair idea of how the day’s dating schedule must have gone – yes, that’s the new terminology for Y6s in these retro times; come on, keep up. Buckland is reminded that his lost tracky top is in the Lost Property Basket (LPB) behind

Folley’s goal, all ready for collection at the end; he forgets, but is caught just before he can complete his escape back to mystical Minsterworth. Howard is also reminded about the self-same thing; he also forgets, but manages to avoid the guards and get safely away once more. Both perpetrators go to Highnam School, so it surely can’t be a coincidence – can it? As it happens, NJH also attends HPS and is thus clearly the exception that well and truly proves this rather unfortunate rule.

Saturday 15th January

Strange how things work out, isn’t it? The games are moved to OSP due to the state of the Longlevens pitch on exactly the same day that it’s highly likely the matches would have been frozen off if they’d still been scheduled for GL2.

Buckland is sporting his Great Gatsby haircut in the changing room beforehand – probably the only thing he hasn’t mislaid this season, while McLarney and Vaile model a pair of hideous boots and a pair of hideous gloves respectively. Brooks has clearly had a premonition that there’ll be storms today as he’s lounging in the far corner, resplendent (if that’s not a complete oxymoron) in a black, swim-style head-covering, while Clifford bemoans the fact that his rather up-market, bright red drinks bottle is still at Longlevens, even though he left it there.

The A & B games kick-off alongside each other and the hosts do their best to go behind within the first few seconds, gifting St Albans possession directly from the kick-off, but Folley comes to his side’s rescue with a fine near-post save. The Gloucester keeper is his side’s saviour again, spectacularly turning away a deflected effort midway through the first half, just as the Cashes Green Mafia sell their 50th programme of the morning in the spectator area behind his goal.

The city team rarely threaten before the break, but take the lead four minutes after the interval when Clifford’s header following Manning’s corner is blocked on the line, but the midfielder is alert enough to follow up and convert the rebound.

The Saints equalise when Folley is deceived by Holian’s free kick, but the keeper reacts well to save further efforts from Russ and McAllister, while NJH is again to the fore with two fine pieces of defending to prevent any further strikes on goal. At the other end, the hosts conjure a couple of half chances, while St Albans determinedly defend well-delivered corners from both Manning and Buckland as the spoils are eventually shared.

St Albans coach, Nick ‘Colonel’ Sanders, packs his bright orange Bielsa Bucket in the back of his car before heading off on the two-hour drive back to Hertfordshire. He’s thankful the ground wasn’t too soft today, meaning he’s been spared his customary sinking into the turf when sitting on said bucket, as has been the case on more than one occasion previously. Many more, if the truth be told.

We pile the remnants of the food, equipment, lost property and programme stash into the boot and depart OSP for the last time this week. It’s been an interesting seven days, a saga one might say, but all turned out okay in the end. Thanks to everyone who helped make it happen, particularly the oft-beleaguered staff at the Tennis Centre who ensured we eventually got what we needed, to the ‘Behind-the-Scenes’ GPSFA stalwarts who turned up to support the teams and the 114 people recorded on JK’s attendance clicker who made up the crowd for the morning’s three encounters.

Au revoir, OSP. For a few days at any rate.

Gloucester A: Folley; McLarney, Hayes, Vaile; Buckland, Clifford, Bennett, Manning; Brooks.