Saturday 14th December: Gloucester A 0 Wokingham 4; Gloucester B 3 Carmarthen 1; Gloucester Girls 0 Wokingham 2.    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all our readers.    Saturday 4th January: GPSFA A, B & G v Bexley (Home; 11.30, 12.45 & 2.00).

Back to Basics

As I was wandering around B & Q (other hardware stores are available) I started to wonder how I was going to follow Harris’ all singing and dancing reports of the last two weeks. Then on noticing a Ronseal weathershield tin (other protection products are available), it came to me. I need to go right back to basics and do a report that is exactly as it should be done and do it ‘exactly as it says on the tin’. A football report, no frills, no gimmicks, no pre-amble regarding the preceding week’s happenings like Mason actually turning up at training and delighting us with his presence for a change or Ross McLarney turning up early on Saturday morning and becoming the latest Longlevens stadium erecting fairy (see previous reports). There will be no Bob Owen words like tautological, instead I will use real words like ‘not needed’. Yes, I plan to do a no-nonsense report.

Pleased with myself I carry on browsing and notice three powerful leaf blowers sat side by side that reminded me of our defence of Mason, Ball and Werner yesterday, strong, together and cleared just about everything that was thrown at them. Behind them was a sturdy BBQ at an unbeatable price. Tautological at this time of year but you know it will work brilliantly when required, much like our keeper Boakes yesterday, underutilised, ready to spring in to action and unbeatable. None of which will appear in my back to basics report.

The similes’ of yesterday’s performances continued to appear though, in the paint section, Kennedy would be an emulsion, covered the whole pitch well while Jones would be a vinyl silk type as he added a little gloss to his performance with a well taken goal. I make a little note to hint to Kennedy that he may want to head straight to the ‘Striking the ball’ warm up exercise at the next training session. The twinkling Christmas tree lights reminded me of Taylor and Bee, bright and effective when switched on but not quite there a few seconds later. Villiers would be the battery powered drill, quick, strong and penetrated well while Fisher would be a fence post, very strong, supportive and reliable. Mulraney was the hardest to spot a simile for, until I saw a display with a Father Christmas on it. Just like Mulraney yesterday, you don’t see him for ages and then he pops up and delivers. None of these similes will make the report of course but just like the game my trip to B&Q achieved what I wanted but I did not find any bargains that would have made me really happy and had to settle for being content. Now off home to write a no-nonsense ,’It does what it says on the tin’ match report.

Match Report

Gloucester B played well against opponents Aston. Making lots of opportunities but not taking any until the very busy Jones controlled a Kennedy pass on the edge of the area and swiveled to fire the ball into the net in the 26th minute. Boakes was not needed as the defence did their jobs so well.

The second half was a repeat of the first with Mulraney striking home a fine free-kick from 20 metres out with ten minutes remaining. A game that the home side could and should have won more convincingly had they continued to play the way they have been playing for the past few weeks and in the first ten minutes of this game.

Next week’s match report to include a remake of the Snowman short film and a glorious rendition of The Fairytale of New York.

Gloucester: Boakes (Dory); Mason (Bambi), Ball (Bully), Mulraney (Mullers), Villiers (JV), Bee (Balalala), Kennedy (Rowling), Taylor (Piglet), Fisher (Fish), Werner (DLM), Jones (Lord Fartquaad).