Have Mini-bus, will Travel
With the last minute issue of not having a mini-bus for the tour resolved, the mass migration of Gloucester for the capital began. The GPSFA and the travelling army of supporters were on their way for their regular February half-term tour of London.
Laverton received yet another new tie, apparently this is a monthly occurrence while all others had to make do with sloppy kisses from parents. The controlled excitement of the 11 boys’ testament to their now veteran status as tourists. Ansermoz started talking.
Ansermoz was still talking after the services stop was completed, his seat partner Randall, took a deep breath and settled down for next leg of the journey, somehow he was able to listen and keep listening.
Publicans back in Gloucester were getting a little upset as they began to realise the extent of the mass migration and contacted the Mayor of Gloucester.
The WhatsApp control centre were puzzled as to why the usual high level of activity around Gloucester on a Saturday morning appeared to happening on a Thursday and moving towards London.
Wembley Stadium looked magnificent, decked out in full Tottenham regalia throughout, Fortey, Harris and especially Coach Wixey thought they were in Heaven. Wixey was very restrained and did not mention the temporary home of the Spurs many times at all. Coaches Wixey and Harris were now reporting fewer boys with them with every WhatsApp message to the parents. Nobody seemed bothered at all. However, which bar to go to that night brought a greater number of responses. The Tottenham, sorry Wembley tour was good and all the boys behaved impeccably, they shouted ‘Hello Wembley’ with gusto and listened attentively to Julia the guide. Even Ansermoz temporarily stopped talking. Wixey was very restrained and did not mention the temporary home of the Spurs many times at all. As he manages every year, Coach Harris sweet talked the officials into allowing pictures of the FA Cup being held aloft by each person to be taken on his camera. With the last few facts extracted and the guide thanked by everybody the tour came to an end. Wixey was very restrained and did not mention the temporary home of the Spurs many times at all. Young Harris spent all his money in the Spurs, sorry Wembley shop, no doubt hoping to bump into his parents and replenish his coffers. Ansermoz started talking again.
Meanwhile the Hayes-Fortey clans decide to demonstrate their collective intelligence by taking on an Escape Room challenge. With the majority of the collective thinking a lock-in was a good thing the others (the young ones) informed them that this was not the same as a pub lock-in and they all need to use their intelligence to escape. Their collective intelligence got them absolutely nowhere and the supervisor had to give them clues. Their collective intelligence and the supervisor’s clues got them absolutely nowhere. The supervisor resorted to giving them written clues to get rid of them. The last one being ‘Exit this way’. Their collective intelligence saw them fail and get locked in. They further demonstrated their collective intelligence by telling everyone of their exploits.
The first game of the tour against Orpington saw the hosts gain some form of revenge for their penalty shoot-out defeat on the Tuesday. Once again Orpington were allowed to play the better football and raced into an unassailable lead before Gloucester began to compete. Thomas, playing in an unfamiliar position of striker scored and made one for Randall in a 5-2 defeat. The support from the small army of GPSFA followers was fantastic. The loudest supporter was Emma Thomas, quite remarkable as she was at home in Gloucester.
The WhatsApp control were concerned that the level of activity around the Orpington area had increased to dangerous levels and the indication was that this would continue into the evening. The controller orders some mobile units to the London area and to allow them to get into place asked people to block up the Dartford crossing and slow up the M25. The controller is not happy when he realises the level increases as the migrants start giving minutes to the bar times in units of one minute.
The Mayor of Gloucester is now getting serious grief from publicans as the bars in the City are empty. He orders an enquiry into why this is. He hopes that it is just a big rugby tour somewhere as the rugby loving city folk will be accepting of this.
The tourists arrive at their hotel to a warm welcome from the Holiday Inn who have followed every request and for once coaches Harris and Wixey do not have to fight for the best room. The boys’ rooms are determined by a randomizer. Laverton demonstrates his knowledge of kitchen appliances by shouting out that they have a microwave. Hayes points out that it is a safe. All change ready for swimming and the highlight of the tour…drowning coach Harris.
Coach Wixey enjoys some peace and quiet in the spectator’s area as coach Harris is set upon. The lifeguard walks by, looks and then just walks on as Harris is scratched, mauled and dunked repeatedly. Somehow, he survives but is red raw and has aged 10 years. Taylor has the brightest, loudest shorts ever seen in the pool. So bright the lifeguards have to dim the pool lights and so loud they have to turn the aqua aerobics music up. Amazingly everyone has remembered to pack a change of clothing. Thomas does not lose any items and Laverton still has his new tie. The WhatsApp chat level is very high with Natasha Sargeant answering every post within seconds.
Diary time is greeted with groans but all listen attentively to the instructions. Four minutes later its apparent that nobody has listened at all. All settle down to complete the task but as soon as anybody asks a question, moves or blinks, the meerkats come out to play. Williamson and Laverton raise their heads in an instance and check all around for anything that might just save them from concentrating for more than 20 seconds.
Wixey and Harris deduct points from Fortey for having his duvet down by his feet then another for yawning. He also loses points for having a pen mark on his face and another for having a red mark where he had washed it off. He looks bemused by the sudden downturn in DREAM marks.
We are welcomed to breakfast by Pat and Susan who as usual show their delight at seeing the boys. Young Harris fills his plate with as much as he can but would later regret doing so as he is deducted two eating points for leaving so much. Thomas causes a minor panic when he attempts to burn the place down by setting fire to the toaster. Fire Protection Engineer Wixey does not bat an eyelid and continues to tuck into his scrambled egg. Taylor drinks the restaurant out of all of their milk supplies and Pat is seen scurrying down to the local shop for more.
Ansermoz remembers that he talks a lot and promptly begins to talk all the way to the mini golf course. Randall was pleased it was only a five minute journey. Coaches Wixey and Harris just looked at each other when Limbrick took his first shot and hit the back wall and saw his rebounding ball go back past his feet. They thought he was going to be the worst player… and then the special group of Hayes, Harris, Fortey and Laverton stepped up. Fortey had to use four different balls on the first four holes as water and bushes ate them. At one point a 3 year old lad took pity on him and gave him his ball…and he took it, and promptly lost it in the water. Meanwhile Laverton can never have seen a game of golf in his life as he just swept every ball into the hole…eventually. Fortey is deducted points for leaning on a fence and another for walking on the cracks in the pavement.
When the coaches are asked how long will it take to get to St Albans, the usual answer of five minutes is not believed and so the ingenious group begin asking random people and predictably gained some random answers including one unbelievably of ‘Five minutes’. With everyone changed into their uniforms and Laverton claiming some sort of record for not losing a tie for two days, the trip to St Albans starts…and so does the Ansermoz talking. Young Harris starts hatching a plan to replenish his funds. The WhatsApp chat amongst the parents increases as St Albans is neared. Most of it centered around which pub they should meet in. Natasha Sargeant continues to reply to posts within split seconds.
Gloucester B start playing at 4:45 which is a shame as the kick off was 4:00. A Taylor goal sparking the team into life but unfortunately it was a case of too little too late for the tourists and they went down 2-1 to a St Albans side that were beatable if they had played for the full 60 minutes.
Sargeant who had to be withdrawn at half-time due to a hand injury, received varying degrees of sympathy from his family, ranging from ‘Aww poor love you need some Calpol’ to ‘Man up’. Coach Wixey opted to ignore all and used a magic bandage instead. Young Harris receives a new Spurs shirt and his funds are replenished.
The Mayor’s investigation is complete and he is informed the tour is the GPSFA’s annual tour to London. ‘But that’s football. Gloucester is rugby. I cannot tell the publicans of Gloucester that their profits are down due to a football tour.’ ‘And that you are their President’ says a helpful minion. ‘Yes quite’ says the Mayor ‘This will require some serious thought as I cannot offend either side’.
The WhatsApp traffic goes into overdrive as the supporting army arrange a curry night. Natasha Sargeant also goes into overdrive and begins replying before the posts are even posted. Coaches Wixey and Harris are very jealous and order 5 pizzas to compensate. The boys overhear and the coaches reluctantly agree to share.
The WhatsApp control see the rise in traffic and are confident of being able to cope now they have mobile units in place but are very worried by the loud volume of some posts emanating from the Gloucester area. The controller wants to make contact with the leader of the GPSFA.
The choice of bowling or arcade is unanimously in favour of wasting their parents hard earned money in the Arcade. They do just that at a rate of knots. Limbrick challenges Coach Harris to a go on the punchball. Limbrick scores a creditable 227 with his punch. Harris scores well for him, 1. He tries in vain to make excuses blaming a faulty machine and anything else he can think of. His younger namesake spends his money and plots to replenish his funds when he sees his parents the next day.
Diaries sees the return of the meerkats and the inevitable questions as to what needs to be done from Randall, Taylor, Laverton and Williamson. They have one tour left to actually remember an instruction without a reminder. Bet Fred are offering long odds on all four succeeding. It is now apparent as to why Randall is able to sit next to Ansermoz for long periods, he just does not listen to anything.
No points are lost at breakfast apart from Fortey who loses points for holding open an open door. Limbrick tries to outdo Thomas and inserts a pain au chocolat into the toaster and is surprised when it catches fire with higher flames than Thomas managed. Fire Protection Engineer Wixey does not bat an eyelid and continues to tuck into his scrambled egg.
The WhatsApp controller asks an underling if they have the name and mobile number of the leader of the GPSFA. He is amazed when told it is a Bob Owen and he does not have a mobile phone. “What blithering idiot does not have a mobile phone nowadays? Contact the Mayor of Gloucester for me.”
Stuart, who is Bexley’s equivalent of Bob Owen, and just as mad, looks up a mobile number for Owen as he needs to let him know the kick off time for the B Team game has been delayed. On realizing he does not have a mobile exclaims “What blithering idiot does not have a mobile phone nowadays?”
The Mayor finishes his call with WhatsApp control and tells a minion to get Bob Owen’s mobile number. “He does not have a mobile Sir” says the minion. “What blithering idiot does not have a mobile phone nowadays? How do you know he doesn’t?” “Well Sir he is famous for being the only person between the ages of 12 and 106 not to have a mobile in the UK. Also I have found out he intends taking half of Gloucester away on another tour to Jersey in April Sir.” The Mayor holds his head in his hands.
Check out of the hotel is relatively painless with very few items left in the rooms. With the appropriate points deducted the group leave their base and head for their final match against Bexley. Remarkably, Laverton still has his tie and expects some sort of medal when he returns home. They arrive an hour too early for the game as Stuart of Bexley is unable to contact anybody. Young Harris uses the extra time to replenish his funds.
The game is a very tight affair with Bexley playing some superb football and only the tenacity of the tourists and the ‘keeping of Sargeant prevents them from going behind. A swift team move gives Gloucester an unlikely lead. Randall finishing off good work from Harris, Fortey and Hayes. This gives the yellows the confidence to take the game to Bexley and from then on in are the dominant side. A momentary lapse by the away side saw Bexley equalize. Taylor nearly restored Gloucester’s advantage when he hit a glorious dipping volley from 25 yards out, only for it to bounce off the bar. Bexley snatched the victory with four minutes remaining. The breakaway goal was cruel on the Gloucester side who had played their best game of the tour against the strongest B side they have faced this season.
The WhatsApp traffic was as high as expected and the volume of the messages were reaching very dangerous levels not only for sites servers but also for Gloucester area. WhatsApp and the Mayor of Gloucester had narrowed the epicenter to a dwelling inhabited by the Thomas family. The Mayor held his breath as the ground shook, he was too late. He quickly put out a press release deflecting the cause away from Gloucester and named Swansea as the epicenter. He then asked a minion to have someone infiltrate the GPSFA and begin to portray rugby as the better sport in the hope that fewer will then go on the Jersey tour..
Six minutes later Christina Fortey sends out a post saying that the tours are not as good as rugby tours!
The tourists return happy but exhausted. Laverton still has his tie, Ansermoz is still talking, young Harris has lost his wallet and needs his funds replenished, Thomas has lost two items, Fortey is still losing points for any stupid reason Wixey and Harris can think of and Randall, Taylor, Laverton and Williamson still have not actually listened and aced without a reminder. Natasha Sargeant is still answering posts within milliseconds and occasionally before they are posted, Owen still does not have a mobile, Emma Thomas is still just as loud and Christina Fortey has just 7 weeks to prove that rugby is better than football to half of Gloucester before they depart for Jersey.
Wix.
If the Mayor of Gloucester pays the GPSFA a visit it must be pointed out that his input is this blog is just part of Wixey’s overactive imagination. If he doesn’t then it’s all true.
Laverton received yet another new tie, apparently this is a monthly occurrence while all others had to make do with sloppy kisses from parents. The controlled excitement of the 11 boys’ testament to their now veteran status as tourists. Ansermoz started talking.
Ansermoz was still talking after the services stop was completed, his seat partner Randall, took a deep breath and settled down for next leg of the journey, somehow he was able to listen and keep listening.
Publicans back in Gloucester were getting a little upset as they began to realise the extent of the mass migration and contacted the Mayor of Gloucester.
The WhatsApp control centre were puzzled as to why the usual high level of activity around Gloucester on a Saturday morning appeared to happening on a Thursday and moving towards London.
Wembley Stadium looked magnificent, decked out in full Tottenham regalia throughout, Fortey, Harris and especially Coach Wixey thought they were in Heaven. Wixey was very restrained and did not mention the temporary home of the Spurs many times at all. Coaches Wixey and Harris were now reporting fewer boys with them with every WhatsApp message to the parents. Nobody seemed bothered at all. However, which bar to go to that night brought a greater number of responses. The Tottenham, sorry Wembley tour was good and all the boys behaved impeccably, they shouted ‘Hello Wembley’ with gusto and listened attentively to Julia the guide. Even Ansermoz temporarily stopped talking. Wixey was very restrained and did not mention the temporary home of the Spurs many times at all. As he manages every year, Coach Harris sweet talked the officials into allowing pictures of the FA Cup being held aloft by each person to be taken on his camera. With the last few facts extracted and the guide thanked by everybody the tour came to an end. Wixey was very restrained and did not mention the temporary home of the Spurs many times at all. Young Harris spent all his money in the Spurs, sorry Wembley shop, no doubt hoping to bump into his parents and replenish his coffers. Ansermoz started talking again.
Meanwhile the Hayes-Fortey clans decide to demonstrate their collective intelligence by taking on an Escape Room challenge. With the majority of the collective thinking a lock-in was a good thing the others (the young ones) informed them that this was not the same as a pub lock-in and they all need to use their intelligence to escape. Their collective intelligence got them absolutely nowhere and the supervisor had to give them clues. Their collective intelligence and the supervisor’s clues got them absolutely nowhere. The supervisor resorted to giving them written clues to get rid of them. The last one being ‘Exit this way’. Their collective intelligence saw them fail and get locked in. They further demonstrated their collective intelligence by telling everyone of their exploits.
The first game of the tour against Orpington saw the hosts gain some form of revenge for their penalty shoot-out defeat on the Tuesday. Once again Orpington were allowed to play the better football and raced into an unassailable lead before Gloucester began to compete. Thomas, playing in an unfamiliar position of striker scored and made one for Randall in a 5-2 defeat. The support from the small army of GPSFA followers was fantastic. The loudest supporter was Emma Thomas, quite remarkable as she was at home in Gloucester.
The WhatsApp control were concerned that the level of activity around the Orpington area had increased to dangerous levels and the indication was that this would continue into the evening. The controller orders some mobile units to the London area and to allow them to get into place asked people to block up the Dartford crossing and slow up the M25. The controller is not happy when he realises the level increases as the migrants start giving minutes to the bar times in units of one minute.
The Mayor of Gloucester is now getting serious grief from publicans as the bars in the City are empty. He orders an enquiry into why this is. He hopes that it is just a big rugby tour somewhere as the rugby loving city folk will be accepting of this.
The tourists arrive at their hotel to a warm welcome from the Holiday Inn who have followed every request and for once coaches Harris and Wixey do not have to fight for the best room. The boys’ rooms are determined by a randomizer. Laverton demonstrates his knowledge of kitchen appliances by shouting out that they have a microwave. Hayes points out that it is a safe. All change ready for swimming and the highlight of the tour…drowning coach Harris.
Coach Wixey enjoys some peace and quiet in the spectator’s area as coach Harris is set upon. The lifeguard walks by, looks and then just walks on as Harris is scratched, mauled and dunked repeatedly. Somehow, he survives but is red raw and has aged 10 years. Taylor has the brightest, loudest shorts ever seen in the pool. So bright the lifeguards have to dim the pool lights and so loud they have to turn the aqua aerobics music up. Amazingly everyone has remembered to pack a change of clothing. Thomas does not lose any items and Laverton still has his new tie. The WhatsApp chat level is very high with Natasha Sargeant answering every post within seconds.
Diary time is greeted with groans but all listen attentively to the instructions. Four minutes later its apparent that nobody has listened at all. All settle down to complete the task but as soon as anybody asks a question, moves or blinks, the meerkats come out to play. Williamson and Laverton raise their heads in an instance and check all around for anything that might just save them from concentrating for more than 20 seconds.
Wixey and Harris deduct points from Fortey for having his duvet down by his feet then another for yawning. He also loses points for having a pen mark on his face and another for having a red mark where he had washed it off. He looks bemused by the sudden downturn in DREAM marks.
We are welcomed to breakfast by Pat and Susan who as usual show their delight at seeing the boys. Young Harris fills his plate with as much as he can but would later regret doing so as he is deducted two eating points for leaving so much. Thomas causes a minor panic when he attempts to burn the place down by setting fire to the toaster. Fire Protection Engineer Wixey does not bat an eyelid and continues to tuck into his scrambled egg. Taylor drinks the restaurant out of all of their milk supplies and Pat is seen scurrying down to the local shop for more.
Ansermoz remembers that he talks a lot and promptly begins to talk all the way to the mini golf course. Randall was pleased it was only a five minute journey. Coaches Wixey and Harris just looked at each other when Limbrick took his first shot and hit the back wall and saw his rebounding ball go back past his feet. They thought he was going to be the worst player… and then the special group of Hayes, Harris, Fortey and Laverton stepped up. Fortey had to use four different balls on the first four holes as water and bushes ate them. At one point a 3 year old lad took pity on him and gave him his ball…and he took it, and promptly lost it in the water. Meanwhile Laverton can never have seen a game of golf in his life as he just swept every ball into the hole…eventually. Fortey is deducted points for leaning on a fence and another for walking on the cracks in the pavement.
When the coaches are asked how long will it take to get to St Albans, the usual answer of five minutes is not believed and so the ingenious group begin asking random people and predictably gained some random answers including one unbelievably of ‘Five minutes’. With everyone changed into their uniforms and Laverton claiming some sort of record for not losing a tie for two days, the trip to St Albans starts…and so does the Ansermoz talking. Young Harris starts hatching a plan to replenish his funds. The WhatsApp chat amongst the parents increases as St Albans is neared. Most of it centered around which pub they should meet in. Natasha Sargeant continues to reply to posts within split seconds.
Gloucester B start playing at 4:45 which is a shame as the kick off was 4:00. A Taylor goal sparking the team into life but unfortunately it was a case of too little too late for the tourists and they went down 2-1 to a St Albans side that were beatable if they had played for the full 60 minutes.
Sargeant who had to be withdrawn at half-time due to a hand injury, received varying degrees of sympathy from his family, ranging from ‘Aww poor love you need some Calpol’ to ‘Man up’. Coach Wixey opted to ignore all and used a magic bandage instead. Young Harris receives a new Spurs shirt and his funds are replenished.
The Mayor’s investigation is complete and he is informed the tour is the GPSFA’s annual tour to London. ‘But that’s football. Gloucester is rugby. I cannot tell the publicans of Gloucester that their profits are down due to a football tour.’ ‘And that you are their President’ says a helpful minion. ‘Yes quite’ says the Mayor ‘This will require some serious thought as I cannot offend either side’.
The WhatsApp traffic goes into overdrive as the supporting army arrange a curry night. Natasha Sargeant also goes into overdrive and begins replying before the posts are even posted. Coaches Wixey and Harris are very jealous and order 5 pizzas to compensate. The boys overhear and the coaches reluctantly agree to share.
The WhatsApp control see the rise in traffic and are confident of being able to cope now they have mobile units in place but are very worried by the loud volume of some posts emanating from the Gloucester area. The controller wants to make contact with the leader of the GPSFA.
The choice of bowling or arcade is unanimously in favour of wasting their parents hard earned money in the Arcade. They do just that at a rate of knots. Limbrick challenges Coach Harris to a go on the punchball. Limbrick scores a creditable 227 with his punch. Harris scores well for him, 1. He tries in vain to make excuses blaming a faulty machine and anything else he can think of. His younger namesake spends his money and plots to replenish his funds when he sees his parents the next day.
Diaries sees the return of the meerkats and the inevitable questions as to what needs to be done from Randall, Taylor, Laverton and Williamson. They have one tour left to actually remember an instruction without a reminder. Bet Fred are offering long odds on all four succeeding. It is now apparent as to why Randall is able to sit next to Ansermoz for long periods, he just does not listen to anything.
No points are lost at breakfast apart from Fortey who loses points for holding open an open door. Limbrick tries to outdo Thomas and inserts a pain au chocolat into the toaster and is surprised when it catches fire with higher flames than Thomas managed. Fire Protection Engineer Wixey does not bat an eyelid and continues to tuck into his scrambled egg.
The WhatsApp controller asks an underling if they have the name and mobile number of the leader of the GPSFA. He is amazed when told it is a Bob Owen and he does not have a mobile phone. “What blithering idiot does not have a mobile phone nowadays? Contact the Mayor of Gloucester for me.”
Stuart, who is Bexley’s equivalent of Bob Owen, and just as mad, looks up a mobile number for Owen as he needs to let him know the kick off time for the B Team game has been delayed. On realizing he does not have a mobile exclaims “What blithering idiot does not have a mobile phone nowadays?”
The Mayor finishes his call with WhatsApp control and tells a minion to get Bob Owen’s mobile number. “He does not have a mobile Sir” says the minion. “What blithering idiot does not have a mobile phone nowadays? How do you know he doesn’t?” “Well Sir he is famous for being the only person between the ages of 12 and 106 not to have a mobile in the UK. Also I have found out he intends taking half of Gloucester away on another tour to Jersey in April Sir.” The Mayor holds his head in his hands.
Check out of the hotel is relatively painless with very few items left in the rooms. With the appropriate points deducted the group leave their base and head for their final match against Bexley. Remarkably, Laverton still has his tie and expects some sort of medal when he returns home. They arrive an hour too early for the game as Stuart of Bexley is unable to contact anybody. Young Harris uses the extra time to replenish his funds.
The game is a very tight affair with Bexley playing some superb football and only the tenacity of the tourists and the ‘keeping of Sargeant prevents them from going behind. A swift team move gives Gloucester an unlikely lead. Randall finishing off good work from Harris, Fortey and Hayes. This gives the yellows the confidence to take the game to Bexley and from then on in are the dominant side. A momentary lapse by the away side saw Bexley equalize. Taylor nearly restored Gloucester’s advantage when he hit a glorious dipping volley from 25 yards out, only for it to bounce off the bar. Bexley snatched the victory with four minutes remaining. The breakaway goal was cruel on the Gloucester side who had played their best game of the tour against the strongest B side they have faced this season.
The WhatsApp traffic was as high as expected and the volume of the messages were reaching very dangerous levels not only for sites servers but also for Gloucester area. WhatsApp and the Mayor of Gloucester had narrowed the epicenter to a dwelling inhabited by the Thomas family. The Mayor held his breath as the ground shook, he was too late. He quickly put out a press release deflecting the cause away from Gloucester and named Swansea as the epicenter. He then asked a minion to have someone infiltrate the GPSFA and begin to portray rugby as the better sport in the hope that fewer will then go on the Jersey tour..
Six minutes later Christina Fortey sends out a post saying that the tours are not as good as rugby tours!
The tourists return happy but exhausted. Laverton still has his tie, Ansermoz is still talking, young Harris has lost his wallet and needs his funds replenished, Thomas has lost two items, Fortey is still losing points for any stupid reason Wixey and Harris can think of and Randall, Taylor, Laverton and Williamson still have not actually listened and aced without a reminder. Natasha Sargeant is still answering posts within milliseconds and occasionally before they are posted, Owen still does not have a mobile, Emma Thomas is still just as loud and Christina Fortey has just 7 weeks to prove that rugby is better than football to half of Gloucester before they depart for Jersey.
Wix.
If the Mayor of Gloucester pays the GPSFA a visit it must be pointed out that his input is this blog is just part of Wixey’s overactive imagination. If he doesn’t then it’s all true.
