The Great Wall of Jersey
Saturday
Thirty identically dressed children left a drizzly Longlevens for their week-long tour of Jersey. While the older children, Owen, Wilson and the like work hard to contain their own excitement of a whole week away, the others were busy reassuring their parents that they would be ok without them and they would see them shortly anyway. With the parents reassured the boys clambered onto the coach and they were off…..once the driver had given a 40 minute lecture on the rules of the coach.
Wilson settled down hoping to complete The Sun crossword, Owen pulled out some award winning book, the type that does not have even a single murder in it, Harris as usual is unable to sit still and by the time the coach reaches Birdlip has broken just about every one of the driver’s rules, while Wixey grabs the last few minutes of rest he would experience for the rest of the week.
At the airport, Hayes becomes increasingly confident of winning the lightest bag challenge but he is crestfallen when last man Hanlon beats him by a single kg. Sargeant is the only person to exceed the weight limit and he worries about any consequences. Evil coaches Harris and Wilson hatch a plan to make matters worse by phoning him and pretending to be an airport official saying his bag cannot be taken. Sargeant is relieved when the prank is revealed. Smuggler Taylor pleads his innocence as he is frisk searched by security officials and is eventually allowed to rejoin his mates and the two-hour flight delay.
The whole of the flight took place with nobody allowed to leave their seat, that is nobody except Coach Harris who sweet talked the air hostess into letting him take pictures of the boys. The other passengers just smiled through gritted teeth as the new ‘Special One’ passed them by.
Room allocation was decided by a random number generator and the eating leagues by a mixture of experience and questioning. A room with the two captains and Harris the younger in it was surely going to lead the way in the room markings while Randall was installed as favourite for the eating Premiership. Bookies would have given up on Laverton and paid out on anybody backing him to finish last after just one meal and they would have been right to do so. Limbrick managed to clear two bowls of soup without using any cutlery.
Captain and Mr Reliable Hayes dropped a bombshell that evening, that his mum had forgotten to pack his spectagoggles and that he could not play without them. Once he had changed the bombshell to ‘he had forgotten to pack his spectagoggles’ an international logistics mission that UPS would have been proud of was set in motion. Grandparents, friends, taxis, planes and a great deal of haste were all involved in the incredible operation, all so Hayes to play in the opening game.
Sunday
Boiled eggs were the undoing of two tourists, Taylor ordering one then saying ‘I didn’t think it looked like that’ while Randall tried to drink his. Fortey complained that the water melon was watery.
Barking and Dagenham were the ‘B’s first opponents. Randall gaining the opening goal of Gloucester’s festival to give them the lead at the break. Harris completed a fine flowing move to put Gloucester two in front and seemingly in control of the game with Laverton and Fortey dominating midfield. Barking had other ideas and came back to level with two goals of their own. Overall, a draw was a fair reflection of the game. In the end it had taken a flight delay to scupper the complex operation to deliver the spectagoggles for kick-off. Hayes was not a happy spectator. An amazing phenomenon began to emerge during the game. The large Gloucester support assembled along touchline looking like a yellow and black wall.
Rain put the mockers on one of the planned afternoon’s activities. A walk around town was not universally popular especially with honoury B Team member Romeo who could not understand the concept of walking for no apparent reason. Randall demonstrated that vetinary would not be his chosen profession by shouting ‘ O look horses’ as we approached some cow statues. Taylor thought it would be cool to sing the Mo Salah song while walking backwards and coolly walked straight into a bin, much to the amusement of his mates and the lady sat in the Costa window. Romeo was much happier with the second activity of swimming. Harris senior thought better of joining the boys in the pool deciding he would rather live for another day or two and hid behind his camera and then plunged into the adult only jacuzzi. Wixey and Foran just melted by the poolside. Williamson left his room card by the side of the pool and was sent back to find it. Devious coaches Wixey and Harris let everyone else in on the fact that they had picked up the card. The devious apprentices did well to not let on as Williamson returned empty handed. The gullible Williamson agreed to pay the fine of £25 for a second lost card in a single day and lose double DREAM marks before all the devious apprentices rushed in laughing and letting him know it was a wind-up. Later in the day he did however tell someone that they would have to pay £25 when they actually did lose their card. Mr Cook of Longlevens Junior School sighed with disappointment when told.
During diary time, Randall demonstrated his spelling knowledge by asking ‘Is possession spelt with 4 W’s?
Monday
Breakfast saw Laverton lose even more ground in the eating competition while Randall, Ansermoz, Harris and Hayes were all gearing up for a titanic battle in the premiership.
Whilst travelling in the minibus to the game, Williamson noticed that there were quite a few of the parents walking in the same direction and uttered the first of many ‘Finnerisms’ “Where are they all going?” Mr Cook of Longlevens Junior School sighed with disappointment when told.
The second game against St Albans ended in a nil all draw. Both defences with a little help from the woodwork were on top for most of the game. Harris and Hayes came closest to breaking the deadlock when their fierce shots struck the bar and was well saved by the ‘keeper respectively while ‘Keeper Sargeant was pleased to see the Saints’ best opportunity rebound off the post. Ansermoz and Limbrick played well at the heart of the Gloucester backline. The amazing phenomenon that was the large Gloucester support continued to build itself into a noisy but pretty impressive and imposing yellow and black wall.
Quiet shy and retiring Coach Harris was eventually persuaded to show all how many cartwheels he could do. A second attempt with belly tucked in was more successful. The seven cartwheels ended with the obligatory pile-on. The quiet shy and retiring Coach Harris would repeat the feat later in the week and reach double figures.
The let up in the weather meant a visit to the beach was in order. Greve de Lecq was quiet with only a handful of people brave enough to venture out. Their peaceful existence was shattered as 12 boys ran onto the beach, discarded clothing on the way and headed straight for the sea. As the cold hit them some immediately retreated while others were keen to prove the old adage of no sense no feeling to be correct and dived straight in. All eventually braved the cold and at least got in up to their middle. Limbrick gained an extra DREAM mark for retrieving Laverton’s ball from the sea but even he decided that he was above the level of canines and refused to fetch when it was thrown out further. The ball was last spotted around Tilbury Docks. Once rocks had been climbed and rock pools explored, Coach Harris challenged all to survive going through the waterfall. As the brave ones attempted the challenge the number of people looking on from the promenade began to swell. Large groups of French tourists all clamouring to see the mad people from England attempt to slide behind the waterfall and then run out through it. They did England proud. The crowds completely disappeared as quickly as they had arrived. Foran was left completely on his own. “ All I did was try and talk to them” explained Billy No Mates. He soon forgot about it and treated all to ice-creams and then talked at the lady ice-cream seller for the next half an hour. She was not seen again for the rest of the week and was replaced by a stand-in seller the very next day. True to form Hayes managed to drop his ice-cream. Wixey began to wonder if he had some kind of syndrome or if Coach Harris’ counselling skills were required but instead he put it down to good old-fashioned clumsiness. Whatever, he managed to bag a new ice-cream. A new game of getting passing cars to wave or honk their horn proved very successful. Wixey wondered what hand signals would be given back in Gloucester?
Finnerism alert: One foot is about this much ( holding up his fingers with about an inch between) because it is roughly the depth of your foot. Mr Cook of Longlevens Junior School sighed with disappointment when told.
Fortey, Hayes and Harris lost ground to everyone else in the DREAM marks rankings by receiving a lowly four points. Coaches Wixey and Harris were hauled over the coals by the Royal Inspector of Room Inspectors ( Coach Wilson) for being far too lenient.
Limbrick’s solution to be told to eat up at breakfast was shove a whole pan-au-chocolate in his mouth in one. Amazingly he was still able to talk at the same time.
Tuesday
The third game of the festival was an encounter with St Pauls, an under 12’s side from Jersey. Although physically a little stronger they were matched by the Gloucester boys for most of the game. Williamson setting himself up for a fine display with one of the best goals of the tournament. A left foot cracker from over 20 yards out that gave the ‘keeper no chance and gave the tourists the lead. The Saints equalized just before half time. Gloucester fashioned a few opportunities, but the ‘keeper was equal to the efforts of Thomas, Randall and Taylor before the Islanders took the lead and clinched the win near the end of the game by adding a third. The amazing phenomenon that was the large Gloucester support continued to build itself into an even noisier, impressive and very imposing yellow and black wall as more parents and siblings arrived.
A 50-a-side no rules game of football followed the official fixture with a final score of 7 injuries to 10 and somewhere in the region of 42 goals were shared in various scorelines that changed according to which of the 16 referees you believed.
Finnerism alert: “What is a lighthouse?”
Finnerism alert: “Can I have the tomato and basil soup without the basil please?”
Finnerism alert: “ I only lost two points yesterday as you don’t know about me leaving my soup.” He was immediately docked a point for leaving the soup, one for not being honest at the time and one for being stupid and letting on. Mr Cook of Longlevens Junior School sighed with disappointment when told.
A double whammy from Fortey, “This chocolate Brownie is too chocolaty and the ice-cream is too cold”
The first visit to Aquasplash ensured everyone had at least come in to some sort of contact with water that day and gave the boys the first chance to end the life of Coach Harris. The trip was 50% successful although Harris lost over a pint of blood through scratches and gouges that would be more at home in a scrum at Kingsholm. Wixey and Foran just melted on the poolside.
Quiet shy and retiring Coach Harris was eventually persuaded to show all his scars to the world via WhatsApp, Facebook and any other media he could find.
Wednesday
Harris the younger succumbed to bacon in the eating league, his fault entirely for ordering two of everything at breakfast. Ansermoz, Randall and Hayes struggled to contain their joy and punched the air with delight. Thomas finally lost his goody two-shoes image and was deducted his first and only attitude point of the whole tour. His terrible crime brought shame on his family and it is hoped that he learns the lesson and never ever knocks over another cup of water.
Jersey under 10’s provided the opposition for today’s game. The tourists began positively and playing on the top pitch and were soon in front. Harris turning in the area and lashing the ball into the corner of the net. Gloucester dominated for much of the first half but conceded a soft goal just before half time. This gave the homeside the impetus and belief to match the yellows in the second period. Jersey took the lead and looked destined to secure a fine victory until Fortey superbly headed Randall’s corner in at the near post to level things up. The amazing phenomenon that was the large Gloucester support continued to build itself into an even more noisier, impressive and very imposing yellow and black wall as even more parents, siblings, grandparents, friends, neighbours and just about anybody able to utter the word “Glawster” arrived.
Even though the tide was in, the rocks of La Corbiere proved to be popular. Coach Harris was in his element and he effortlessly jumped from rock to rock, a snaking line of children followed and a slow elderly man bought up the rear. It put Coach Harris in such a good mood he even bought the ice-creams this time. Foran talked to the stand-in ice cream seller for half an hour. He too was not seen for the rest of the week.
A GPSFA and football quiz showed that the boys are very good at shouting out the first thing that comes into their heads then thinking afterwards. Nobody managed to recognize a very young footballer in a very sweet sailor suit as being Coach Harris.
Wednesday evening saw Wixey and Harris enjoy a very pleasant time. Then they arrived at the Merton Hotel. Both a little apprehensive as to how they were going to fend off the inevitable bombardment of drinks that would be thrust at them. They were very pleased with the restraint shown. Then the Fortey’s showed up. With Jager bombs downed, the first ever for Wixey, the duo relaxed and thoroughly enjoyed a great night where discussions on gherkins seemed to feature quite a lot. They even survived a Fortey Senior speech that was recorded and translated the next day via Googleslur translate.
Julie Williamson solved the question as to where Finn gained his ability for Finnerisms from.
Mrs Finnerism alert: “Do you think those frogs are born like that or are they dyed blue?”
Mrs Finnerism alert: “That gorilla doesn’t talk much”
Mrs Finnerism alert: “ I wonder if those bears actually swim on their backs with their young on their stomachs like they do in The Jungle Book?”
Head Mr Johnson of Severn Vale School sighed with disappointment when told.
Thursday
Taylor made a play to upstage Williamson with his own Finnerism: “Today could be our last day together apart from tomorrow… and the next day!”
With the incredible yellow and black wall now at it’s maximum size, the most GPSFA supporters to ever grace the festival at the same time, the scene was set for a great morning of football. Neither Gloucester team disappointed in a very memorable day against two of their oldest foes. The A team beating Plymouth and then the B Team turning in their best performance of the week in beating Orpington B.
Right from the start the Gloucester boys were up for the battle, they meant every tackle, showed desire to get to the ball first, played simply when they had the ball and very pleasingly everyone played their part. Harris opened the scoring with a lovely one touch finish to a Williamson cross following a flowing move down the left. Randall’s floated far post cross evaded the ‘keepers fingertips and sailed straight into the net to give the yellows a two nil lead at the interval. Sargeant made a number of good saves and handled superbly throughout as the South Londoners did their best to get back in the game. Hayes continued to lead the way with some excellent defending and tackling. Orpington did manage to score with only a minute or two left on the clock, a fine individual goal for their striker as he ghosted past the Gloucester backline and neatly fired over the advancing Sargeant. Immediately Taylor chased after a long clearance, pressured the defender and keeper into a mistake and then made sure the slow rolling ball went into net by following in as it neared the goal line with the final kick of the game. The roar from the great yellow and black wall was incredible and will be remembered by many of the coaches as one of their favourite moments of all time in Jersey. Reports say the great wall of Jersey could be seen from space.
Mrs Hayes made a play for a Mother of the Year award when she was heard saying to her son “ I love you little more now you’ve won a game!”
Lunch tasted sweeter that afternoon but Fortey confused everyone by asking for a Chocolate cup with chocolate mousse with no chocolate. The coaches were not confused however as they had spent the previous evening with his parents and recognized what the poor lad was up against.
Finnerism alert: “Can I go to the toilet please as I need a drink?” Mr Cook of Longlevens Junior School sighed with disappointment when told.
Coach Harris did not know whether to laugh or cry as waitress Fatima gave him two puddings and then telling everyone that its because he is a very big man.
Town in the afternoon was the chance for the boys to appreciate everything their parents had done for them for the tour and the season by buying them some suitable gifts. JD Sports obviously had the best gifts as all made straight for that shop. A tweeted picture of the boys was re-tweeted by JD Sports themselves as it showed virtually all boys with JD bags.
A second visit by both teams to Aquasplash was popular but Coach Harris worried about being scratched and gouged again especially now that there were double the number of boys but got in anyway using looking after Romeo in the pool as an excuse.
Friday
Ansermoz finally yielded in the eating league leaving Randall and Hayes to fight it out.
The final game was to be a re-match against Jersey under 10’s. The great wall of Jersey was in place although minus a few bricks as some had had to depart. The B Team picked up where they left off the day before and went two goals up within six minutes. Hayes, Randall and Fortey combining to set up Taylor for the first and Fortey’s low drive evading the ‘keepers dive for the second. Gloucester then eased up and paid the penalty as Jersey clawed a goal back just before half-time. The B’s were unable to raise their game again and Jersey continued to gain in confidence. With the clock running down and Gloucester hanging on, a loose clearance fell to the Jersey striker who hammered the ball into the net for a deserved equalizer. A disappointing way to end the festival but the team should be happy that they have only been beaten once in the week.
The coaches game saw a lot more huffing and puffing but eventually after they had all squeezed into their shirts the game could begin. As usual, all received back every comment they had dished out during the week with some extra abuse added on. Coach Harris was quite heavily involved while Coach Delaney very nearly touched the ball. Diving and cheating was the order of the day but as the minutes ticked by the pace slowed and all were grateful for the final whistle.
The A and B Teams both visited Plemont but unfortunately the tide had risen too much to explore the area to any great extent. Coach Wixey stood far enough up the rocks so as to not get soaked himself and ensure nobody went passed him. One soaking later, Wixey moved further up the rocks nearer to the laughing boys. Coach Delaney attempted to go one step further and sat on a low rock just as a huge wave soaked him entirely to the delight of the watching crowd. Coach Owen put his hand in his pocket for the ice-creams this time, spending a good portion of his retirement lump sum on the bill. A poor attempt to trick Coach Delaney with a joke parking ticket failed miserably as it had a big clue on the front with the work joke printed on it. At St Ouen beach the boys did exactly what you should do after playing football everyday for a week… and played football, with some running into the sea every now and then for a cool down. Williamson somehow managed cut his toe on a stone and calls on the RNLI for help. Bandaged up, Williamson does what’s best in that situation to keep the wound free of sand and resumes his place in the football game.
The team captains are told they will have to write and make short speeches at the evening’s Gala Dinner. They are relieved when they realise it is yet another wind-up but they are then made to deliver their speeches to the two squads. They all do well.
Saturday
Taylor tries to rival Fortey for stating the obvious by complaining that the milk is too milky. Randall and Hayes are challenged to eat a complete breakfast of a full English with black pudding, mixed yoghurts and any rare fruits that Coach Harris can find. Both complete the task and it is decided not to try and split them as they both deserve to win. They have not left a single item of food all week. Romeo had given them a good run for their money though. Waitress Fatima is tearful as she is given a present by the boys.
Finnerism alert: “In one match we played seven quarters”
The journey home was fairly uneventful aside from Coach Harris nearly missing the flight home as he searches the airport for the missing Mustoe who is actually sitting comfortably on the plane. All returned home safe and sound, happy and contented, if a little tired. All with a few stories to tell and lots of memories.
Every one of the 130 strong record breaking touring party will take away their own special memories from a great week, whether it is the fun they’ve had, the things that were said, the sights they have seen, or the friends they have made, but whatever they are, they are all now part of the rich history of the GPSFA Jersey experience.
Wix.
Thirty identically dressed children left a drizzly Longlevens for their week-long tour of Jersey. While the older children, Owen, Wilson and the like work hard to contain their own excitement of a whole week away, the others were busy reassuring their parents that they would be ok without them and they would see them shortly anyway. With the parents reassured the boys clambered onto the coach and they were off…..once the driver had given a 40 minute lecture on the rules of the coach.
Wilson settled down hoping to complete The Sun crossword, Owen pulled out some award winning book, the type that does not have even a single murder in it, Harris as usual is unable to sit still and by the time the coach reaches Birdlip has broken just about every one of the driver’s rules, while Wixey grabs the last few minutes of rest he would experience for the rest of the week.
At the airport, Hayes becomes increasingly confident of winning the lightest bag challenge but he is crestfallen when last man Hanlon beats him by a single kg. Sargeant is the only person to exceed the weight limit and he worries about any consequences. Evil coaches Harris and Wilson hatch a plan to make matters worse by phoning him and pretending to be an airport official saying his bag cannot be taken. Sargeant is relieved when the prank is revealed. Smuggler Taylor pleads his innocence as he is frisk searched by security officials and is eventually allowed to rejoin his mates and the two-hour flight delay.
The whole of the flight took place with nobody allowed to leave their seat, that is nobody except Coach Harris who sweet talked the air hostess into letting him take pictures of the boys. The other passengers just smiled through gritted teeth as the new ‘Special One’ passed them by.
Room allocation was decided by a random number generator and the eating leagues by a mixture of experience and questioning. A room with the two captains and Harris the younger in it was surely going to lead the way in the room markings while Randall was installed as favourite for the eating Premiership. Bookies would have given up on Laverton and paid out on anybody backing him to finish last after just one meal and they would have been right to do so. Limbrick managed to clear two bowls of soup without using any cutlery.
Captain and Mr Reliable Hayes dropped a bombshell that evening, that his mum had forgotten to pack his spectagoggles and that he could not play without them. Once he had changed the bombshell to ‘he had forgotten to pack his spectagoggles’ an international logistics mission that UPS would have been proud of was set in motion. Grandparents, friends, taxis, planes and a great deal of haste were all involved in the incredible operation, all so Hayes to play in the opening game.
Sunday
Boiled eggs were the undoing of two tourists, Taylor ordering one then saying ‘I didn’t think it looked like that’ while Randall tried to drink his. Fortey complained that the water melon was watery.
Barking and Dagenham were the ‘B’s first opponents. Randall gaining the opening goal of Gloucester’s festival to give them the lead at the break. Harris completed a fine flowing move to put Gloucester two in front and seemingly in control of the game with Laverton and Fortey dominating midfield. Barking had other ideas and came back to level with two goals of their own. Overall, a draw was a fair reflection of the game. In the end it had taken a flight delay to scupper the complex operation to deliver the spectagoggles for kick-off. Hayes was not a happy spectator. An amazing phenomenon began to emerge during the game. The large Gloucester support assembled along touchline looking like a yellow and black wall.
Rain put the mockers on one of the planned afternoon’s activities. A walk around town was not universally popular especially with honoury B Team member Romeo who could not understand the concept of walking for no apparent reason. Randall demonstrated that vetinary would not be his chosen profession by shouting ‘ O look horses’ as we approached some cow statues. Taylor thought it would be cool to sing the Mo Salah song while walking backwards and coolly walked straight into a bin, much to the amusement of his mates and the lady sat in the Costa window. Romeo was much happier with the second activity of swimming. Harris senior thought better of joining the boys in the pool deciding he would rather live for another day or two and hid behind his camera and then plunged into the adult only jacuzzi. Wixey and Foran just melted by the poolside. Williamson left his room card by the side of the pool and was sent back to find it. Devious coaches Wixey and Harris let everyone else in on the fact that they had picked up the card. The devious apprentices did well to not let on as Williamson returned empty handed. The gullible Williamson agreed to pay the fine of £25 for a second lost card in a single day and lose double DREAM marks before all the devious apprentices rushed in laughing and letting him know it was a wind-up. Later in the day he did however tell someone that they would have to pay £25 when they actually did lose their card. Mr Cook of Longlevens Junior School sighed with disappointment when told.
During diary time, Randall demonstrated his spelling knowledge by asking ‘Is possession spelt with 4 W’s?
Monday
Breakfast saw Laverton lose even more ground in the eating competition while Randall, Ansermoz, Harris and Hayes were all gearing up for a titanic battle in the premiership.
Whilst travelling in the minibus to the game, Williamson noticed that there were quite a few of the parents walking in the same direction and uttered the first of many ‘Finnerisms’ “Where are they all going?” Mr Cook of Longlevens Junior School sighed with disappointment when told.
The second game against St Albans ended in a nil all draw. Both defences with a little help from the woodwork were on top for most of the game. Harris and Hayes came closest to breaking the deadlock when their fierce shots struck the bar and was well saved by the ‘keeper respectively while ‘Keeper Sargeant was pleased to see the Saints’ best opportunity rebound off the post. Ansermoz and Limbrick played well at the heart of the Gloucester backline. The amazing phenomenon that was the large Gloucester support continued to build itself into a noisy but pretty impressive and imposing yellow and black wall.
Quiet shy and retiring Coach Harris was eventually persuaded to show all how many cartwheels he could do. A second attempt with belly tucked in was more successful. The seven cartwheels ended with the obligatory pile-on. The quiet shy and retiring Coach Harris would repeat the feat later in the week and reach double figures.
The let up in the weather meant a visit to the beach was in order. Greve de Lecq was quiet with only a handful of people brave enough to venture out. Their peaceful existence was shattered as 12 boys ran onto the beach, discarded clothing on the way and headed straight for the sea. As the cold hit them some immediately retreated while others were keen to prove the old adage of no sense no feeling to be correct and dived straight in. All eventually braved the cold and at least got in up to their middle. Limbrick gained an extra DREAM mark for retrieving Laverton’s ball from the sea but even he decided that he was above the level of canines and refused to fetch when it was thrown out further. The ball was last spotted around Tilbury Docks. Once rocks had been climbed and rock pools explored, Coach Harris challenged all to survive going through the waterfall. As the brave ones attempted the challenge the number of people looking on from the promenade began to swell. Large groups of French tourists all clamouring to see the mad people from England attempt to slide behind the waterfall and then run out through it. They did England proud. The crowds completely disappeared as quickly as they had arrived. Foran was left completely on his own. “ All I did was try and talk to them” explained Billy No Mates. He soon forgot about it and treated all to ice-creams and then talked at the lady ice-cream seller for the next half an hour. She was not seen again for the rest of the week and was replaced by a stand-in seller the very next day. True to form Hayes managed to drop his ice-cream. Wixey began to wonder if he had some kind of syndrome or if Coach Harris’ counselling skills were required but instead he put it down to good old-fashioned clumsiness. Whatever, he managed to bag a new ice-cream. A new game of getting passing cars to wave or honk their horn proved very successful. Wixey wondered what hand signals would be given back in Gloucester?
Finnerism alert: One foot is about this much ( holding up his fingers with about an inch between) because it is roughly the depth of your foot. Mr Cook of Longlevens Junior School sighed with disappointment when told.
Fortey, Hayes and Harris lost ground to everyone else in the DREAM marks rankings by receiving a lowly four points. Coaches Wixey and Harris were hauled over the coals by the Royal Inspector of Room Inspectors ( Coach Wilson) for being far too lenient.
Limbrick’s solution to be told to eat up at breakfast was shove a whole pan-au-chocolate in his mouth in one. Amazingly he was still able to talk at the same time.
Tuesday
The third game of the festival was an encounter with St Pauls, an under 12’s side from Jersey. Although physically a little stronger they were matched by the Gloucester boys for most of the game. Williamson setting himself up for a fine display with one of the best goals of the tournament. A left foot cracker from over 20 yards out that gave the ‘keeper no chance and gave the tourists the lead. The Saints equalized just before half time. Gloucester fashioned a few opportunities, but the ‘keeper was equal to the efforts of Thomas, Randall and Taylor before the Islanders took the lead and clinched the win near the end of the game by adding a third. The amazing phenomenon that was the large Gloucester support continued to build itself into an even noisier, impressive and very imposing yellow and black wall as more parents and siblings arrived.
A 50-a-side no rules game of football followed the official fixture with a final score of 7 injuries to 10 and somewhere in the region of 42 goals were shared in various scorelines that changed according to which of the 16 referees you believed.
Finnerism alert: “What is a lighthouse?”
Finnerism alert: “Can I have the tomato and basil soup without the basil please?”
Finnerism alert: “ I only lost two points yesterday as you don’t know about me leaving my soup.” He was immediately docked a point for leaving the soup, one for not being honest at the time and one for being stupid and letting on. Mr Cook of Longlevens Junior School sighed with disappointment when told.
A double whammy from Fortey, “This chocolate Brownie is too chocolaty and the ice-cream is too cold”
The first visit to Aquasplash ensured everyone had at least come in to some sort of contact with water that day and gave the boys the first chance to end the life of Coach Harris. The trip was 50% successful although Harris lost over a pint of blood through scratches and gouges that would be more at home in a scrum at Kingsholm. Wixey and Foran just melted on the poolside.
Quiet shy and retiring Coach Harris was eventually persuaded to show all his scars to the world via WhatsApp, Facebook and any other media he could find.
Wednesday
Harris the younger succumbed to bacon in the eating league, his fault entirely for ordering two of everything at breakfast. Ansermoz, Randall and Hayes struggled to contain their joy and punched the air with delight. Thomas finally lost his goody two-shoes image and was deducted his first and only attitude point of the whole tour. His terrible crime brought shame on his family and it is hoped that he learns the lesson and never ever knocks over another cup of water.
Jersey under 10’s provided the opposition for today’s game. The tourists began positively and playing on the top pitch and were soon in front. Harris turning in the area and lashing the ball into the corner of the net. Gloucester dominated for much of the first half but conceded a soft goal just before half time. This gave the homeside the impetus and belief to match the yellows in the second period. Jersey took the lead and looked destined to secure a fine victory until Fortey superbly headed Randall’s corner in at the near post to level things up. The amazing phenomenon that was the large Gloucester support continued to build itself into an even more noisier, impressive and very imposing yellow and black wall as even more parents, siblings, grandparents, friends, neighbours and just about anybody able to utter the word “Glawster” arrived.
Even though the tide was in, the rocks of La Corbiere proved to be popular. Coach Harris was in his element and he effortlessly jumped from rock to rock, a snaking line of children followed and a slow elderly man bought up the rear. It put Coach Harris in such a good mood he even bought the ice-creams this time. Foran talked to the stand-in ice cream seller for half an hour. He too was not seen for the rest of the week.
A GPSFA and football quiz showed that the boys are very good at shouting out the first thing that comes into their heads then thinking afterwards. Nobody managed to recognize a very young footballer in a very sweet sailor suit as being Coach Harris.
Wednesday evening saw Wixey and Harris enjoy a very pleasant time. Then they arrived at the Merton Hotel. Both a little apprehensive as to how they were going to fend off the inevitable bombardment of drinks that would be thrust at them. They were very pleased with the restraint shown. Then the Fortey’s showed up. With Jager bombs downed, the first ever for Wixey, the duo relaxed and thoroughly enjoyed a great night where discussions on gherkins seemed to feature quite a lot. They even survived a Fortey Senior speech that was recorded and translated the next day via Googleslur translate.
Julie Williamson solved the question as to where Finn gained his ability for Finnerisms from.
Mrs Finnerism alert: “Do you think those frogs are born like that or are they dyed blue?”
Mrs Finnerism alert: “That gorilla doesn’t talk much”
Mrs Finnerism alert: “ I wonder if those bears actually swim on their backs with their young on their stomachs like they do in The Jungle Book?”
Head Mr Johnson of Severn Vale School sighed with disappointment when told.
Thursday
Taylor made a play to upstage Williamson with his own Finnerism: “Today could be our last day together apart from tomorrow… and the next day!”
With the incredible yellow and black wall now at it’s maximum size, the most GPSFA supporters to ever grace the festival at the same time, the scene was set for a great morning of football. Neither Gloucester team disappointed in a very memorable day against two of their oldest foes. The A team beating Plymouth and then the B Team turning in their best performance of the week in beating Orpington B.
Right from the start the Gloucester boys were up for the battle, they meant every tackle, showed desire to get to the ball first, played simply when they had the ball and very pleasingly everyone played their part. Harris opened the scoring with a lovely one touch finish to a Williamson cross following a flowing move down the left. Randall’s floated far post cross evaded the ‘keepers fingertips and sailed straight into the net to give the yellows a two nil lead at the interval. Sargeant made a number of good saves and handled superbly throughout as the South Londoners did their best to get back in the game. Hayes continued to lead the way with some excellent defending and tackling. Orpington did manage to score with only a minute or two left on the clock, a fine individual goal for their striker as he ghosted past the Gloucester backline and neatly fired over the advancing Sargeant. Immediately Taylor chased after a long clearance, pressured the defender and keeper into a mistake and then made sure the slow rolling ball went into net by following in as it neared the goal line with the final kick of the game. The roar from the great yellow and black wall was incredible and will be remembered by many of the coaches as one of their favourite moments of all time in Jersey. Reports say the great wall of Jersey could be seen from space.
Mrs Hayes made a play for a Mother of the Year award when she was heard saying to her son “ I love you little more now you’ve won a game!”
Lunch tasted sweeter that afternoon but Fortey confused everyone by asking for a Chocolate cup with chocolate mousse with no chocolate. The coaches were not confused however as they had spent the previous evening with his parents and recognized what the poor lad was up against.
Finnerism alert: “Can I go to the toilet please as I need a drink?” Mr Cook of Longlevens Junior School sighed with disappointment when told.
Coach Harris did not know whether to laugh or cry as waitress Fatima gave him two puddings and then telling everyone that its because he is a very big man.
Town in the afternoon was the chance for the boys to appreciate everything their parents had done for them for the tour and the season by buying them some suitable gifts. JD Sports obviously had the best gifts as all made straight for that shop. A tweeted picture of the boys was re-tweeted by JD Sports themselves as it showed virtually all boys with JD bags.
A second visit by both teams to Aquasplash was popular but Coach Harris worried about being scratched and gouged again especially now that there were double the number of boys but got in anyway using looking after Romeo in the pool as an excuse.
Friday
Ansermoz finally yielded in the eating league leaving Randall and Hayes to fight it out.
The final game was to be a re-match against Jersey under 10’s. The great wall of Jersey was in place although minus a few bricks as some had had to depart. The B Team picked up where they left off the day before and went two goals up within six minutes. Hayes, Randall and Fortey combining to set up Taylor for the first and Fortey’s low drive evading the ‘keepers dive for the second. Gloucester then eased up and paid the penalty as Jersey clawed a goal back just before half-time. The B’s were unable to raise their game again and Jersey continued to gain in confidence. With the clock running down and Gloucester hanging on, a loose clearance fell to the Jersey striker who hammered the ball into the net for a deserved equalizer. A disappointing way to end the festival but the team should be happy that they have only been beaten once in the week.
The coaches game saw a lot more huffing and puffing but eventually after they had all squeezed into their shirts the game could begin. As usual, all received back every comment they had dished out during the week with some extra abuse added on. Coach Harris was quite heavily involved while Coach Delaney very nearly touched the ball. Diving and cheating was the order of the day but as the minutes ticked by the pace slowed and all were grateful for the final whistle.
The A and B Teams both visited Plemont but unfortunately the tide had risen too much to explore the area to any great extent. Coach Wixey stood far enough up the rocks so as to not get soaked himself and ensure nobody went passed him. One soaking later, Wixey moved further up the rocks nearer to the laughing boys. Coach Delaney attempted to go one step further and sat on a low rock just as a huge wave soaked him entirely to the delight of the watching crowd. Coach Owen put his hand in his pocket for the ice-creams this time, spending a good portion of his retirement lump sum on the bill. A poor attempt to trick Coach Delaney with a joke parking ticket failed miserably as it had a big clue on the front with the work joke printed on it. At St Ouen beach the boys did exactly what you should do after playing football everyday for a week… and played football, with some running into the sea every now and then for a cool down. Williamson somehow managed cut his toe on a stone and calls on the RNLI for help. Bandaged up, Williamson does what’s best in that situation to keep the wound free of sand and resumes his place in the football game.
The team captains are told they will have to write and make short speeches at the evening’s Gala Dinner. They are relieved when they realise it is yet another wind-up but they are then made to deliver their speeches to the two squads. They all do well.
Saturday
Taylor tries to rival Fortey for stating the obvious by complaining that the milk is too milky. Randall and Hayes are challenged to eat a complete breakfast of a full English with black pudding, mixed yoghurts and any rare fruits that Coach Harris can find. Both complete the task and it is decided not to try and split them as they both deserve to win. They have not left a single item of food all week. Romeo had given them a good run for their money though. Waitress Fatima is tearful as she is given a present by the boys.
Finnerism alert: “In one match we played seven quarters”
The journey home was fairly uneventful aside from Coach Harris nearly missing the flight home as he searches the airport for the missing Mustoe who is actually sitting comfortably on the plane. All returned home safe and sound, happy and contented, if a little tired. All with a few stories to tell and lots of memories.
Every one of the 130 strong record breaking touring party will take away their own special memories from a great week, whether it is the fun they’ve had, the things that were said, the sights they have seen, or the friends they have made, but whatever they are, they are all now part of the rich history of the GPSFA Jersey experience.
Wix.
