Touching the Royal Seat
Longlevens saw kisses aplenty, hugs by the dozen and smiles by the bucket load. The boys even managed a few themselves but could not match their parents joy at having a few days of freedom. The heavy and over stocked bags, all except Inyinbor’s which was decidedly lighter, were loaded onto the mini-bus. Just as Taylor was about to board the mini-bus, his mum decided to try and plant one more kiss but with one withering look from him she stopped abruptly and took a few paces backward and just waved instead. Others looked on in admiration and promised themselves to gain a withering stare of their own.
The group set off and it was not long before the first “When are we stopping at the services?” was asked. The standard reply of “5 minutes” did not go down well and the groans from the back seats, Campbell and Inyinbor were loudest. Flatt declined to comment.
Coaches Harris and Wixey tried to pass the time by recalling all of the players who had played for them over the past seven years. Harris cheats and uses photos on his phone to help. Wixey soon realises he has the memory of a seventy year old and Harris has to give out some major clues to make him feel better. All recalled, the very responsible and grown up duo regress and giggling like children younger than their charges, pick their nicest, most fun and ugliest teams (please note; none of the current team are considered.)
Campbell repeats the services question and groans again when told 5 mins. Inyinbor immediately repeats the question and also groans when told the inevitable answer. Wixey and Harris cannot understand this as it is actually true.
Oxford services have a pond stocked with goldfish, on the last visit one dead egg bound fish could be seen floating on the surface. Baxter lets himself and his family down by asking “Is that fish is still dead?” Flatt declines to comment.
The excited group march up Wembley Way and inevitably this turns into a race. Inyinbor wins by a short head and lots of cheating. Taylor walks and opens himself up to the now familiar cries of ‘Heavy Legs’. He just rolls his eyes and shakes his head dismissively.
The tour guide begins cracking poor jokes from the start which draw absolutely no response from any child or the foreign contingent in the group. Only Wixey and Harris groan with each delivery and eventually all quips are aimed solely at the unfortunate duo. With photos snapped, questions answered and shouts of ‘Wembley’ still echoing around the stadium, the tour concludes in the royal box where touching the royal seat becomes the must do activity and is now officially ‘a thing’.
Inyinbor confesses that he has not brought a packed lunch and immediately he is offered items from many of his generous team mates. He is seen scoffing what has become the largest packed lunch of them all. Easterbrook also confesses that he does not have a packed lunch but he does have some food that his mum has packed for him. Wixey holds his head in his hands and fears for the future of Easterbrook.
The boys are left confused when they are told to prepare for the long journey to Orpington as the questions of “ how long will it take” is answered with “5 minutes”. Flatt declines to comment.
The match with Orpington sees one of the best displays from the Gloucester B Team this season and lives up to the traditional battle associated with this fixture down the years. Flatt latching on to a flick on from a throw in to give the visitors the lead against the run of play. Cornwell made a number of saves to deny Orpington as they pressed having the advantage of the slope. An equaliser for the home side further raised the tempo of the game and also the noise from the parents on the touchline. A fantastic goal line clearance by Harding was followed a minute or so later by a great strike from Campbell. His 20 yard free kick flew straight past the ‘keeper to regain the lead for the away side. With the slope now in their favour, Gloucester were dominant with Easterbrook, Cooper and Inyinbor all prominent but in truth the whole team were all playing their part. With the tackles becoming more ferocious and neither side giving an inch, another Easterbrook run down the right gave Lock the opportunity to settle the match, which he gratefully accepted from close range. The ‘Yellows deservedly running out 3-1 winners.
The celebrations after the match were soured a little by claims from a player that one of the Gloucester parents had used ‘bad language’ to their players during the game. This was quickly dismissed as not true by the nearby home parents and the Arrowsmiths are relieved but a little annoyed that such a claim could ever be made against them.
At the hotel Harris allocates the rooms as Wixey checks them in. Harris for some unknown reason groups the three loudest members of the team together. Campbell, Inyinbor and Easterbrook are very happy and immediately their volume increases as they begin an unofficial competition to see who is the loudest. Harris then puts the Wixey- Harris partnership to the test by allocating Wixey the room next to the trio. Wixey stomps off mumbling something about revenge to himself.
Swimming gives Wixey his first and only peaceful break of the day as Harris decides to have a dip with the boys. Inyinbor has to purchase a pair of shorts as he has forgotten to pack any. The reason for his light bag is now apparent, there’s nothing in it! Taylor is immediately installed as top swimmer and Inyinbor shows that he can only swim in one direction, down. Harris is soon set upon by a few of the boys and begins fighting them off but he begins to struggle when five attack him once. Wixey looks on with interest but decides not to alert the lifeguard as Harris goes under once more, instead he contemplates having the quieter room if Harris should succumb to the assault. Disappointingly for Wixey, the assault stops and Harris survives. In his eagerness to show his swimming prowess, Taylor has forgotten to pack a change of clothes and has to journey home in his wet shorts and a towel.
The first day is brought to a close with diary writing, teeth brushing and room inspections. Sleep follows quickly, even the trio in the loudness competition give in to the tiring first day.
The loudness trio resume their competition early the next morning. Wixey searches the internet for a voodoo doll resembling Harris and some very sharp pins. The table etiquette of the group at breakfast is shown to be good, aside from Lock who is incapable of understanding what the difference is between the seat and the table, keeping his toast by the side of him. He further lets his parents down by then placing the toast directly onto the table to butter it. Plates are obviously optional in the Lock household. Fieldhouse showed he has the weirdest dietary taste, choosing dry Coco Pops and dry pancakes above all the nice food on offer. He is installed as odd-on favourite to be bottom of the eating league table come Jersey. Campbell showed his Jamie Oliver skills by inventing a new dish, hash brown smothered with ten layers of tomato sauce. Meanwhile Harding showed a complete lack of understanding of what a hash brown is by trying to slice the top off one to see what is inside.
Mini-golf reveals that Cornwell has the touch of a brick and should stick to goalkeeping. Fieldhouse is declared a hero for rescuing Inyinbor’s ball from the lake. All loudly declare themselves as the winners with multiple holes-in-one. Flatt declines to comment and quietly goes about actually winning.
The boys are perplexed when they are once again told to prepare for a long ‘5 minute journey to St Albans’.
On arrival at St Albans, the team are informed that the kick off will be 30 minutes later than planned. The Easterbrook family use the extra time well and head straight to the nearest pub. The Arrowsmiths however are still annoyed about the previous day’s events. Harris winds them up further by pointing out the posters about bad language around the ground. Caught off-guard Mr Arrowsmith actually uses some bad language of his own to the astonishment of those around him but thankfully it was out of earshot of any children. Harris points to the posters again and Mr Arrowsmith looks suitably embarrassed.
Another good performance from the ‘B’s sees them match the very strong St Albans team for long periods, the difference between the sides being a touch a class at the vital times giving the final scoreline a slightly flattering 2-0 victory to the Saints. Cooper, Easterbrook, Taylor and Cornwell are the performance picks for the tourists.
The late match and slow return journey means that no lanes are available for bowling. Nobody minds and the next hour is spent by the boys trying to stuff as much money into the machines as possible in return for hundreds of worthless tickets.
Diaries settle everyone down even though Inyinbor does his best to disrupt the group by letting off some wind. Even the ultra nice bunch, Harding, Irvine, Cornwell, Cooper and Flatt laugh. The first chink in their otherwise impeccable behaviour. The evening’s room inspections see Cooper and Harding expelled from the ‘Ultras’ for arguing that the points deducted for the light fitting not being central and the décor being a horrible colour were unfair. Flatt declined to comment.
At breakfast another Ultra falls as Cornwell insults first Wixey and then Harris. Easterbrook loses ground in the loudness competition as Campbell and Inyinbor take to saying little but blurting every word they do say out loud. Harding attempts to win back a point by eating black pudding but fails by leaving some. Fieldhouse eats more this time. More pancakes that is.
Great support from the Gloucester parents greeted the arrival at Bexley although Mrs Arrowsmith astounded all by inexplicably using some bad language. Arrowsmith junior was shocked having never heard her do so before but made a mental note to use this against her throughout his teenage years. Harris reaches for pictures of the posters from St Albans. Obviously the Arrowsmiths have not coped well without Arrowsmith junior to keep them in check. He is given an extra DREAM mark in recognition of what he faces at home.
The third tour game saw the tourists take a commanding two nil lead through the impressive Easterbrook and another through Arrowsmith. Tiredness then played a part in letting the hosts back into the game and then gain an equaliser before half time. The visitors were slow to react to a breakaway and flat footed when faced with a corner. Opportunities came and went in the second half but the visitors could not restore their lead and the match ended 2-2.
The long 5 minute journey home passed off without incident. All the Ultras were once again nice, the loudness competition was contested to the end but ended up a draw between Inyinbor and Campbell, Taylor’s legs were feeling heavy and Flatt declined to comment. The Arrowsmiths did not use bad language when picking up and the Inyinbors were late. The Mini-bus and some form of normality had returned.
Wixey was still plotting his revenge though…Bring on Jersey!
The group set off and it was not long before the first “When are we stopping at the services?” was asked. The standard reply of “5 minutes” did not go down well and the groans from the back seats, Campbell and Inyinbor were loudest. Flatt declined to comment.
Coaches Harris and Wixey tried to pass the time by recalling all of the players who had played for them over the past seven years. Harris cheats and uses photos on his phone to help. Wixey soon realises he has the memory of a seventy year old and Harris has to give out some major clues to make him feel better. All recalled, the very responsible and grown up duo regress and giggling like children younger than their charges, pick their nicest, most fun and ugliest teams (please note; none of the current team are considered.)
Campbell repeats the services question and groans again when told 5 mins. Inyinbor immediately repeats the question and also groans when told the inevitable answer. Wixey and Harris cannot understand this as it is actually true.
Oxford services have a pond stocked with goldfish, on the last visit one dead egg bound fish could be seen floating on the surface. Baxter lets himself and his family down by asking “Is that fish is still dead?” Flatt declines to comment.
The excited group march up Wembley Way and inevitably this turns into a race. Inyinbor wins by a short head and lots of cheating. Taylor walks and opens himself up to the now familiar cries of ‘Heavy Legs’. He just rolls his eyes and shakes his head dismissively.
The tour guide begins cracking poor jokes from the start which draw absolutely no response from any child or the foreign contingent in the group. Only Wixey and Harris groan with each delivery and eventually all quips are aimed solely at the unfortunate duo. With photos snapped, questions answered and shouts of ‘Wembley’ still echoing around the stadium, the tour concludes in the royal box where touching the royal seat becomes the must do activity and is now officially ‘a thing’.
Inyinbor confesses that he has not brought a packed lunch and immediately he is offered items from many of his generous team mates. He is seen scoffing what has become the largest packed lunch of them all. Easterbrook also confesses that he does not have a packed lunch but he does have some food that his mum has packed for him. Wixey holds his head in his hands and fears for the future of Easterbrook.
The boys are left confused when they are told to prepare for the long journey to Orpington as the questions of “ how long will it take” is answered with “5 minutes”. Flatt declines to comment.
The match with Orpington sees one of the best displays from the Gloucester B Team this season and lives up to the traditional battle associated with this fixture down the years. Flatt latching on to a flick on from a throw in to give the visitors the lead against the run of play. Cornwell made a number of saves to deny Orpington as they pressed having the advantage of the slope. An equaliser for the home side further raised the tempo of the game and also the noise from the parents on the touchline. A fantastic goal line clearance by Harding was followed a minute or so later by a great strike from Campbell. His 20 yard free kick flew straight past the ‘keeper to regain the lead for the away side. With the slope now in their favour, Gloucester were dominant with Easterbrook, Cooper and Inyinbor all prominent but in truth the whole team were all playing their part. With the tackles becoming more ferocious and neither side giving an inch, another Easterbrook run down the right gave Lock the opportunity to settle the match, which he gratefully accepted from close range. The ‘Yellows deservedly running out 3-1 winners.
The celebrations after the match were soured a little by claims from a player that one of the Gloucester parents had used ‘bad language’ to their players during the game. This was quickly dismissed as not true by the nearby home parents and the Arrowsmiths are relieved but a little annoyed that such a claim could ever be made against them.
At the hotel Harris allocates the rooms as Wixey checks them in. Harris for some unknown reason groups the three loudest members of the team together. Campbell, Inyinbor and Easterbrook are very happy and immediately their volume increases as they begin an unofficial competition to see who is the loudest. Harris then puts the Wixey- Harris partnership to the test by allocating Wixey the room next to the trio. Wixey stomps off mumbling something about revenge to himself.
Swimming gives Wixey his first and only peaceful break of the day as Harris decides to have a dip with the boys. Inyinbor has to purchase a pair of shorts as he has forgotten to pack any. The reason for his light bag is now apparent, there’s nothing in it! Taylor is immediately installed as top swimmer and Inyinbor shows that he can only swim in one direction, down. Harris is soon set upon by a few of the boys and begins fighting them off but he begins to struggle when five attack him once. Wixey looks on with interest but decides not to alert the lifeguard as Harris goes under once more, instead he contemplates having the quieter room if Harris should succumb to the assault. Disappointingly for Wixey, the assault stops and Harris survives. In his eagerness to show his swimming prowess, Taylor has forgotten to pack a change of clothes and has to journey home in his wet shorts and a towel.
The first day is brought to a close with diary writing, teeth brushing and room inspections. Sleep follows quickly, even the trio in the loudness competition give in to the tiring first day.
The loudness trio resume their competition early the next morning. Wixey searches the internet for a voodoo doll resembling Harris and some very sharp pins. The table etiquette of the group at breakfast is shown to be good, aside from Lock who is incapable of understanding what the difference is between the seat and the table, keeping his toast by the side of him. He further lets his parents down by then placing the toast directly onto the table to butter it. Plates are obviously optional in the Lock household. Fieldhouse showed he has the weirdest dietary taste, choosing dry Coco Pops and dry pancakes above all the nice food on offer. He is installed as odd-on favourite to be bottom of the eating league table come Jersey. Campbell showed his Jamie Oliver skills by inventing a new dish, hash brown smothered with ten layers of tomato sauce. Meanwhile Harding showed a complete lack of understanding of what a hash brown is by trying to slice the top off one to see what is inside.
Mini-golf reveals that Cornwell has the touch of a brick and should stick to goalkeeping. Fieldhouse is declared a hero for rescuing Inyinbor’s ball from the lake. All loudly declare themselves as the winners with multiple holes-in-one. Flatt declines to comment and quietly goes about actually winning.
The boys are perplexed when they are once again told to prepare for a long ‘5 minute journey to St Albans’.
On arrival at St Albans, the team are informed that the kick off will be 30 minutes later than planned. The Easterbrook family use the extra time well and head straight to the nearest pub. The Arrowsmiths however are still annoyed about the previous day’s events. Harris winds them up further by pointing out the posters about bad language around the ground. Caught off-guard Mr Arrowsmith actually uses some bad language of his own to the astonishment of those around him but thankfully it was out of earshot of any children. Harris points to the posters again and Mr Arrowsmith looks suitably embarrassed.
Another good performance from the ‘B’s sees them match the very strong St Albans team for long periods, the difference between the sides being a touch a class at the vital times giving the final scoreline a slightly flattering 2-0 victory to the Saints. Cooper, Easterbrook, Taylor and Cornwell are the performance picks for the tourists.
The late match and slow return journey means that no lanes are available for bowling. Nobody minds and the next hour is spent by the boys trying to stuff as much money into the machines as possible in return for hundreds of worthless tickets.
Diaries settle everyone down even though Inyinbor does his best to disrupt the group by letting off some wind. Even the ultra nice bunch, Harding, Irvine, Cornwell, Cooper and Flatt laugh. The first chink in their otherwise impeccable behaviour. The evening’s room inspections see Cooper and Harding expelled from the ‘Ultras’ for arguing that the points deducted for the light fitting not being central and the décor being a horrible colour were unfair. Flatt declined to comment.
At breakfast another Ultra falls as Cornwell insults first Wixey and then Harris. Easterbrook loses ground in the loudness competition as Campbell and Inyinbor take to saying little but blurting every word they do say out loud. Harding attempts to win back a point by eating black pudding but fails by leaving some. Fieldhouse eats more this time. More pancakes that is.
Great support from the Gloucester parents greeted the arrival at Bexley although Mrs Arrowsmith astounded all by inexplicably using some bad language. Arrowsmith junior was shocked having never heard her do so before but made a mental note to use this against her throughout his teenage years. Harris reaches for pictures of the posters from St Albans. Obviously the Arrowsmiths have not coped well without Arrowsmith junior to keep them in check. He is given an extra DREAM mark in recognition of what he faces at home.
The third tour game saw the tourists take a commanding two nil lead through the impressive Easterbrook and another through Arrowsmith. Tiredness then played a part in letting the hosts back into the game and then gain an equaliser before half time. The visitors were slow to react to a breakaway and flat footed when faced with a corner. Opportunities came and went in the second half but the visitors could not restore their lead and the match ended 2-2.
The long 5 minute journey home passed off without incident. All the Ultras were once again nice, the loudness competition was contested to the end but ended up a draw between Inyinbor and Campbell, Taylor’s legs were feeling heavy and Flatt declined to comment. The Arrowsmiths did not use bad language when picking up and the Inyinbors were late. The Mini-bus and some form of normality had returned.
Wixey was still plotting his revenge though…Bring on Jersey!
