Saturday 18th September

Venue: Fir Hill School.

Journey there: 30-minute delay on the A419 near Swindon due to an accident on the other carriageway and some random cones that narrow the road on our side for no apparent reason. Several team members pass the time waving at other beleaguered passengers trying, largely in vain, to elicit a response. ‘Why are we all waving?’ enquires Buckland, eventually. No-one knows.

Facilities: The caretaker at Fir Hill has absconded to Rome without telling anyone, so the main changing area and hospitality lounge remain locked. Both sides change in a 4×4 (room), with only Vaile’s top going missing. ‘One of the B Side must have picked it up,’ he offers. Unsurprisingly, no-one believes him. Easah Ali messages on Saturday evening to say he’s got it.

Ground: Very pleasant; respect barrier on far side and plenty of grass on the pitch. That’s Plenty with a capital ‘P’.

Programme: 12 pages, including a ‘Message from the Coach’ containing some extremely dodgy punctuation and a dreadful spelling error in line 10. Two player profiles and lots of league tables, each containing numerous zeroes.

Match: Two early goals see us two up after 15 minutes. Buckland drives in after Bennett’s initial effort is blocked, while a neat move down the right, latterly involving Bennett and Clifford results in McLarney’s close-range finish. We have a good 10-minute period midway through the first half when the passing is both crisp and purposeful, otherwise it’s pretty much even-Stevens in respect of the Opta Stats readout.

Newbury are the better side after the break and reduce the arrears with around 15 to go. Hayes marshals the defence well, while Folley is probably the difference between the sides. The hosts have twice as many attempts on goal as Gloucester, but we defend resolutely to run out 2-1 winners.

Journey back: First services stop of 21/22 has the KFC and Burger King digital ordering machines seeing plenty of action until people realise they only take cards. Bennett, Hayes, Hanlon & Manning misjudge the contents of a 14-piece Deluxe Bucket and spend half the stop-off trying to give an entire chicken farm away. Brooks is a frequent visitor to their table looking for any potential offcuts, while McLarney would like to be, though his inherent niceness means he only hovers. Folley and White visit Harry Ramsden’s, just to show they both prefer ‘traditional’. Manning pays off his £8.99 debt by handing over £3.56 in shrapnel. Membury to Gloucester is remarkably peaceful,

largely because White’s gone to sleep. Whatever money the coaches lost on the various transactions, if this is the result, it’s cash well spent.

Team: Folley; Buckland, Hayes, Hanlon; McLarney, Clifford, Bennett, Manning; Brooks; Vaile, White.