Saturday 30th April, and there’s a triple-header at GL2 to conclude the 21/22 programme of GPSFA home matches. With our As & Bs having visited West Berkshire around a thousand times between them over the course of the past eight months, Newbury have kindly agreed to reverse the venues for our two end-of-season encounters, while a late Tuesday afternoon agreement with City of Gloucester U12s means the Girls have a final home outing too.

And all goes to plan with a good performance and ultimately convincing win against our visitors from down the M4, the first step of what turns out to be a very welcome, triple Glawster success. The hosts are on the front foot from the off, with Archibald having our first effort on goal inside the opening thirty seconds. The same player breaks the deadlock on five minutes with a well-struck effort from twelve yards, before doubling his tally after creating a yard of space on the edge of the box. You wouldn’t believe it the way he’s playing today, but Newbury is currently the only side he’s scored against this season.

The difference between last week’s performance at Bath and today is stark, with the main contrast being the number of first contacts with both foot and head that are being made, giving us more of the ball and more space and time in which to play.

Nice Jacob Hayes makes it three, converting Buckers’ left-wing corner with a little bit of style and Captain Bennett’s determination just before the interval gives us a four-goal half-time lead. Throats are flushed, (jelly) babies decapitated and chocolate downed during a happy five-minute interval during which even Coach Wilson has nothing bad to say. The only disappointment is that Father Vaile, who spent twenty minutes after the stadium was set up this morning practising his keepy-ups, fails to appear for the half-time entertainment citing a bad back and chronic dehydration, despite having had a full fortnight to recover from his Channel Island excesses.

The second period is far more even, but we remain in control. There are solid displays from The Model, Harold and CV, who had earlier racked up at the ground at 7.30am in order to (almost) seal the 21/22 First-to-Arrive Championship Trophy (while, conversely, The Model made a real effort to catch McLarney at the opposite end of the table by being 17.673 minutes late), meaning Leopold enjoys a relatively quiet morning between the sticks.

At the other end, substitutes Clifford and Bobby Brooks are full of running, while Thomas twice goes close to adding a fifth. A Newbury penalty ends Folley’s hopes of another clean sheet with eight minutes remaining, while Buckers prevents a second Newbury score with an impressive goal-line clearance shortly afterwards. Clifford nods in Gloucester’s fifth with a couple of minutes remaining to ensure we sign off at Longlevens with a heartening win in the late April sunshine.

As the final whistle brings the home season to an end, there are a few people we’d like to mention for everything that’s happened at GL2 over the past eight months or so.

First up, a big thank-you to the 21/22 Benedictines: Father Manning, Father Brooks, Father Bennett, Father Vaile and Father Hayes on this occasion, but to all the Pilgrims that have made their way to GL2 at the crack of dawn on a Saturday morning to help set up the stadium ready for the day’s entertainment.

A big shout-out, too, to all the supporters who have come through the big, green gates over the course of the season. 129 hardy souls were in attendance today, taking the total number to more than sixteen hundred at the fourteen home events. The average ‘gate’ of 115 is higher than 75% of the Hellenic Premier League clubs and on a par with a number of semi-pro Southern League sides. And none of their pitches look anywhere near this good at the back end of the season.

John Kelly has clicked every one of those 1600+ people in, organised the car park, helped set up and take down, disposed of all the post-match bin bags and been amazingly generous in his financial support of the association into the bargain. He wishes to stay (a) completely unsung (hero), and as he probably doesn’t read this blog, that’s just how he’ll remain.

The Lens has surpassed himself this morning by reeling off a sales pitch to the Stadium Erection Team (SET) that proves beyond any shadow of a doubt that the man has no shame whatsoever. When no-one responds to his efforts to flog them the photos he’s just taken of them setting up the boards, he makes an immediate beeline for both sets of Newbury parents, who fail to spot the scam in his ‘Two for the price of Three’ advertising campaign and buy enthusiastically. At the end of the girls’ fixture, he’s got a severely smoking money-making machine, a Cheshire cat smile and pockets that are bulging almost as much as his bank balance. Two days later he’ll pay for a four-man SAGA tour (two concessions) around Lincoln Cathedral, but he’ll quickly discover that absolution for his fiscal sins will not be as easy to come by as picture sales to West Berkshire people forty-eight hours previously undoubtedly were.

In the kitchen, The Chef and the Vice-Chair slave away cooking for and serving both spectators and players, cleaning tables and washing up from 9.15 in the morning until everything has been cleaned and tidied away around five hours later. Those people who availed themselves of the recent Jersey resume will be aware of The Chef’s non-stop search for companionship and his desperate need of a sounding board for his hypotheses regarding the nutritional benefits of deep-fried food, and despite the attention he’s received this year from the likes of Adam at Newbury, Steve from Swindon and St Nicholas of St Albans, it’s fair to say, he’s still looking. Which should mean he’ll be back to continue his seemingly unending quest next season, and that’s good news for us all. Though if you do pop down at any point, he’s talking about putting the price of tea & coffee up by a penny or two….

The Welfare Officer has been on hand to listen to those who need to indulge in a quiet word or three, with 99% of the traffic being via The Chef and The Lens for very different, but perfectly plausible reasons. Week in and week out, in addition to his therapist’s duties, the WO has selflessly provided the GL2 refreshment hatch with a tray of flapjacks baked by TRWO (The Real Welfare Officer) in the Highnam Villas kitchens, before sneaking a few outliers into a secret interior pocket ‘For the Grandchildren when they come round this evening’. Sadly, the lay-by near the parish church usually sees an equally selfless act take place, meaning the Grandchildren go hungry for another fortnight or so, or at least until TRWO gets the golden syrup and brown sugar on the go yet again. On a more serious (and less lamentable) note though, thank-you to those people who have brought cakes and the like to sell at ‘the hatch’ during the season (and not stopped off in a lay-by on the way home).

The Groundsman, following a week and a half of hospital visits and herbal remedies, makes a rare Saturday-morning appearance today and ensures that programme and raffle ticket revenues plummet by plonking himself in the black & yellow box for an hour and a bit. Thankfully, Nice Tommy Manning takes over later on to partially rectify the situation.

Thanks to all our opposition players, supporters and officials, the former who we’re unlikely to see ever again and the latter who we hope will be back at GL2 once more next season and for many years to come. While all the managers / coaches remain very competitive in their own right, we’ve also become good friends as time has gone on, proving that sport is as good a catalyst for sociability as anything else can possibly be. The Newbury boys, on our final interaction of the season, prove too that politeness and manners are what people will ultimately be remembered for, not whether or not you win a game of football once in a while.

There’s a ‘free’ weekend next up before we reconvene for the Southern Counties Cup Finals day at Oxford City a week on Saturday, and it’ll be an occasion when several things are likely to be resolved: Will Vaile clinch the First-to-Arrive League title? Will The Model really challenge Harold McLarney at the other end of the table? Will the CWOs pockets be full of half-eaten flapjacks come two-twenty in the afternoon? Will Coach Wilson smile again this season? Will Folley be ‘More Calmer’ on the trip down – and, almost as importantly, on the way back? Will The Lens manage to sell any ‘£10-a—time; it’s a bargain’ photos to unsuspecting ‘away’ fans? Will Buckers have finished Thursday’s breakfast in time to even come? And if he has and does, will he arrive home with 50% / 25% / 0% of the stuff he left the house with (delete as applicable)? All will be revealed in just over a week’s time. Watch this space.

Gloucester A: Leopold; Harold, Model, CV, Buckers, Nice Jacob Hayes, Captain Bennett, Thomas; Archibald; Samuel, Bobby Brooks.