Twas six days before the night before Christmas, when all round the ground,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a hound;
But then came the helpers, fresh out of their beds,
With mitts on their hands and hats on their heads.

The nets are secured, the flags standing tall,
The ref’s room’s set up with drinks and a ball,
The grass has been cut, the food’s in the pot,
The Chef’s got the fryers all piping and hot.

The Lens is arranging his tables and piles
Of photos that show, both action and smiles;
His machine is on standby; the dial set to debit.
Ready to siphon your money and drain all your credit.

Now the games have kicked off, the Bs struggle to net;
Wixey’s not happy, cos they haven’t scored yet.
‘Don’t worry about heading,’ is the call from The Trot,
The one thing that matters, is a great action shot.

The Lens is so happy, with three games for sale,
You can buy them on credit, you can get them by mail;
You can order from Amazon, delivered by Prime,
Just so long as he gets, his payment on time.

The As miss some chances, then Clifford finds space,
To bounce o’er the keeper; puts a smile on the face
Of the mums and the dads, the gramps and the grans,
The managers and coaches and all Gloucester fans.

With ten minutes to go, Manning nibbles one in,
There’s a smile on his face and a grin on his chin,
A penalty’s to come – two goals on the spin,
The first Xmas present – three points and a win.

A clean sheet for Folley, a fine game from Hayes;
Just stand still and smile, his dad always pays.
Some strong runs from White and nice touches by Vaile,
Roll up, roll up; there’s photos for sale.

Brooks doesn’t stop running and Model’s the same.
I can do you a montage of pics from the game.
Don’t gurn brother Bennett; nor McLarney you too;
I normally charge fifty, but twenty will do.

Buckland is going for a pre-Christmas meal,
Come on everybody, I can do you a deal.
The queues start to grow, the punters are nigh;
You know it’s not true that my prices are high.

The girls lose 3-2 and everyone is down.
Coach Delaney is struggling to mask a new frown.
Don’t worry, shouts Trotter. Del Boy is right here.
I bring you glad tidings and much festive cheer.

There’s a sale taking place and an awful lot more;
There’s offers, reductions and bargains galore.
Look at the chalkboard, there’s so much to see:
You can have two brilliant photos for the price of just three.

The oven’s turned off, the hob and the grill.
Now the football is over, the place is so still,
Thoughts turn to Yuletide, just seven sleeps to go.
St Nick and his camera, and a list of who owes.

I’ll invoice you tomorrow, or Monday if not,
There’s a pairing, a portrait, a great action shot.
You can have it on canvas, a coaster or frame,
You can have it tattooed, the price is the same.

Put a cheque in the post, bank transfer will do,
Just sign for a hundred, or preferably two.
Please add on a tip, ten per cent of the fee,
Cos it’s cold turkey for you – but Barbados for me!