Curses
This week’s match report is shortened, mainly due to me actually missing a lot of the action. It is replaced in part by a much needed exploration of the outside forces manifesting themselves in our season.
The Match v Erdington & Saltley
Erdington, had the better of the early exchanges, mainly due to Mead in the centre of midfield who was fundamental to every good move they made. It was no surprise that he was heavily involved in their first two goals. Scoring the first after waltzing around most of our defence and firing low into the bottom corner and then nearly the feat only to be tripped in the area for a penalty. His spot kick came back off the bar for xxx to slot home. Badham and Balkwill made surging runs down the wings but nobody was able to convert the former’s crosses and the latter saw his well struck shot turned around the post.
In the second third, Badham was denied by the ‘keeper pushing his effort up and over the bar before a Ball run ended with the striker being fouled and a penalty being awarded. Moroney confidently stepped up to convert the spot kick. As stand-in keeper Burr lay injured, Mead scored the visitors third. In the final third, the midlanders added three more goals and Moroney pounced on some slack defending to neatly slot the ball past the outcoming keeper to reduce the arrears. Erdington running out winners by six goals to two.
The events of the week have led me to the conclusion that we need to purge ourselves of the various curses that are blighting our season, exorcise our demons and be able to enjoy the rest of the season free from any jinxes and spells.
1. The Rain Curse
Two seasons ago, near the start of her first son’s year, Cass for some reason travelled all the way to Bridgend in Wales to watch her son play. Unfortunately for her, we were playing in Woking. Cass cursed loudly, the Welsh nation responded with a curse of their own. Any GPSFA game attended by Cass or played with or against a Welsh contingent would be heavy with rain. It poured from that moment on. In hindsight it was a bad move to select her second son the following year as we had our worst year for rain ever. This season we have played five matches against Welsh sides and have the Balkwill clan adding some Welshness to the proceedings and the results are well known to all.
2. The Harris Forgetfulness Curse
When two Harris’ of independent lineage connect, the ancient curse of forgetfulness is likely to be ignited. Little Harris has driven his mum crackers by forgotting just about everything, including forgetting to bring his fines for forgetting things, while Big Harris has so far this season forgotten the kit, left his boots and gloves at Longlevens, his bobble hat, his snood and on Friday, the fact that we had already imposed a fine system for people forgetting things.
3. The Beccy Butcher Kit Curse
Since 1957, the GPSFA have enjoyed nearly 60 years of kit free issues then Beccy Butcher decided to wash her son’s shorts and socks, as was the practice pre-Beccy. The socks began to turn from yellow to grey, obviously they were faulty so more were given. They too turned grey, Spare pairs disappeared and grey ones appeared. The coaches then took over the washing of the entire kit and the yellow socks were changed to mainly black. The problems vanished. Harrison Butcher is invited to be part of the GPSFA this season. The second kit issue that the GPSFA has ever had occurs. A brand spanking new kit is accidentally washed on hot and all the lettering is ruined. The Beccy Butcher kit curse is re-born.
4, The Goalkeeper Curse
The worst of all the curses reared its ugly head for the second time this season when Ruben suffered a horrible injury while deputising for the first victim Gethin, who sustained a broken finger on the tour of South Wales.
The Chaiman, the Secertary and all in the GPSFA have searched high and low for resolutions to banish these demons from within the association. Experts, priests, exorcists and the bloke down the pub have all been consulted and the following rituals are to observed:
1. Cass to do a rain dance to the rain god Dodola and eat a whole leek.
2. Both Harris’ to do elephant impersonations for a whole minute.
3. Beccy Butcher to run round each corner post at Longlevens holding a pair of GPSFA socks.
4. Gethin Balkwill to praise an England goalkeeper for 30 seconds while drinking a glass of milk.
We can only hope they are successful..
The Match v Erdington & Saltley
Erdington, had the better of the early exchanges, mainly due to Mead in the centre of midfield who was fundamental to every good move they made. It was no surprise that he was heavily involved in their first two goals. Scoring the first after waltzing around most of our defence and firing low into the bottom corner and then nearly the feat only to be tripped in the area for a penalty. His spot kick came back off the bar for xxx to slot home. Badham and Balkwill made surging runs down the wings but nobody was able to convert the former’s crosses and the latter saw his well struck shot turned around the post.
In the second third, Badham was denied by the ‘keeper pushing his effort up and over the bar before a Ball run ended with the striker being fouled and a penalty being awarded. Moroney confidently stepped up to convert the spot kick. As stand-in keeper Burr lay injured, Mead scored the visitors third. In the final third, the midlanders added three more goals and Moroney pounced on some slack defending to neatly slot the ball past the outcoming keeper to reduce the arrears. Erdington running out winners by six goals to two.
The events of the week have led me to the conclusion that we need to purge ourselves of the various curses that are blighting our season, exorcise our demons and be able to enjoy the rest of the season free from any jinxes and spells.
1. The Rain Curse
Two seasons ago, near the start of her first son’s year, Cass for some reason travelled all the way to Bridgend in Wales to watch her son play. Unfortunately for her, we were playing in Woking. Cass cursed loudly, the Welsh nation responded with a curse of their own. Any GPSFA game attended by Cass or played with or against a Welsh contingent would be heavy with rain. It poured from that moment on. In hindsight it was a bad move to select her second son the following year as we had our worst year for rain ever. This season we have played five matches against Welsh sides and have the Balkwill clan adding some Welshness to the proceedings and the results are well known to all.
2. The Harris Forgetfulness Curse
When two Harris’ of independent lineage connect, the ancient curse of forgetfulness is likely to be ignited. Little Harris has driven his mum crackers by forgotting just about everything, including forgetting to bring his fines for forgetting things, while Big Harris has so far this season forgotten the kit, left his boots and gloves at Longlevens, his bobble hat, his snood and on Friday, the fact that we had already imposed a fine system for people forgetting things.
3. The Beccy Butcher Kit Curse
Since 1957, the GPSFA have enjoyed nearly 60 years of kit free issues then Beccy Butcher decided to wash her son’s shorts and socks, as was the practice pre-Beccy. The socks began to turn from yellow to grey, obviously they were faulty so more were given. They too turned grey, Spare pairs disappeared and grey ones appeared. The coaches then took over the washing of the entire kit and the yellow socks were changed to mainly black. The problems vanished. Harrison Butcher is invited to be part of the GPSFA this season. The second kit issue that the GPSFA has ever had occurs. A brand spanking new kit is accidentally washed on hot and all the lettering is ruined. The Beccy Butcher kit curse is re-born.
4, The Goalkeeper Curse
The worst of all the curses reared its ugly head for the second time this season when Ruben suffered a horrible injury while deputising for the first victim Gethin, who sustained a broken finger on the tour of South Wales.
The Chaiman, the Secertary and all in the GPSFA have searched high and low for resolutions to banish these demons from within the association. Experts, priests, exorcists and the bloke down the pub have all been consulted and the following rituals are to observed:
1. Cass to do a rain dance to the rain god Dodola and eat a whole leek.
2. Both Harris’ to do elephant impersonations for a whole minute.
3. Beccy Butcher to run round each corner post at Longlevens holding a pair of GPSFA socks.
4. Gethin Balkwill to praise an England goalkeeper for 30 seconds while drinking a glass of milk.
We can only hope they are successful..
