The Five Minute Tour of London
The week began in fine style with an excellent Quiz Night compared expertly by coach Harris, that not only raised lots of money for the Jersey tour but also allowed all to see the level of intelligence that exists within the B team community. Unfortunately, Kelly Price and family turned up and now it will be a full year before the damage can be repaired.
The loss of the mini-bus early in the week aged coach Wixey by 10 years, years he can ill afford, but thankfully an alternative was found just in time.
Bee celebrated his birthday with a goal in the 2-1 victory over Orpington. A hard-fought encounter with little good football on show. The visitors taking the lead with a header from a corner before Bee put the finishing touch to the only good move of the first half for the home side. Taylor, Kennedy and Fisher combined to set up the birthday boy to knock the ball in from close range. Ten minutes into the second half the only other move of any quality gave the yellows the decisive goal in a scrappy game. Jones neatly taking the ball round the advancing keeper with a sublime touch and holding his nerve to fire in past the defenders. Boakes had to be at his usual best to keep out the South Londoners as they looked for an equaliser. Orpington’s best chance came when they were awarded a penalty. Unfortunately for the visitors it was put wide but Boakes was confident that he had it covered anyway. He was subsequently proved right by a great action shot by Hickey, well worth the fiver he charged.
Wixey aged another 10 years when he had his second big shock of the week, Nicola Shiers was now back on WhatsApp.
When the big day arrived, or rather the very early morning arrived, all were excited except Mulraney who looked as if he had been sentenced to three days of double maths. It was so early that as soon as the boys were safely aboard the mini-bus the parents vanished, eager to return to their beds no-doubt. Leaving the boys waving goodbye to…no-one! Unperturbed they began their favourite game of trying to get Harris to tell them how long it would be to the services and groaning when every answer given was five minutes.
To pass the time. Harris and Wixey played their usual game of naming a select team from their years at the helm of the B team. Last year’s ugliest team was great fun but this year they chose to name the nicest team. Surprisingly one person from this year’s team made the cut but the stewards enquiry may overturn the decision. One sibling of the current team made it in as captain!
Cheers were yelled as Wixey steered into the services. It had been a long five minutes. Breakfast McDonalds, KFC and Greggs were the favourite picks of the finely tuned sportsmen. Taylor wastes money on a music box that even he is not too sure what it does. At least it keeps Harris quiet for a while figuring out what he had actually bought. All refreshed, the tourist embark on the next leg of journey, a five-minute drive to Wembley.
The new part guide, part digital media tour is a hit with the boys and they instantly turn into digital zombies, wandering around with earphones on and the video screen fewer than 11 inches from their noses. With all videos viewed before the tour had actually started, the earphones helped them blank out anything Wixey and Harris said while some thought that by staring intently at the video screen it would eventually change into a Gameboy or some such device.
Thankfully the tour guide was interesting enough to gradually ween them off the devices and actually listen, except for Bee. Who seemed happier in his own world. Jones’ shirt began its bid for freedom, escaping from under his jumper and Villiers indicated he would like a drink for the first time then again one minute later, he repeated his request again sixty seconds later and then waited another whole minute before asking for a drink. Facts learnt, shirts photographed, changing rooms explored, seats sat in, cup held aloft and Villiers’ thirst quenched, the race to the gift shop could begin. All were keen to give over their parents hard-earned cash to the benefit of the extremely poor and needy Football Association. But when they got there, all that could be seen was a sea of cockerels and Harry Kane faces printed on just about any thing you can think of and more. Their money was stuffed back into wallets quicker than the time it takes Taylor to think of shooting. However, Boakes and Wixey are seen starry eyed and drooling and have to be dragged out of the temporary Tottenham shop. The run down Wembley Way was seemingly won by everyone and the battle between Harris’ camera and the low sun was comprehensively won by the sun.
The five-minute journey to Orpington passed off without incident.
The return leg of the double-header against Orpington started with the home side more determined, quicker to the ball and playing with the greater quality. This pattern continued for virtually the whole of the match. Fisher being the only Gloucester player able to match the physicality of the Londoners although Bee and Werner worked hard. Boakes did well to keep the final score down to 4-1. Jones netting the visitors only goal with a header, the one bright spot in a lacklustre performance by the tourists.
Lou McClarney let the whole of the GPSFA down by answering the question of “How long will it take to get the hotel?”, with an answer other than 5 minutes. Wixey and Harris were not amused. Jones’ shirt immediately escapes within a minute of being tucked in. Amazingly Villiers is not thirsty and when the enquiry is repeated in quick succession he completely misses the point and politely says “no thanks” each time.
The rooms are allocated with twos as the basis with three people in three rooms. All will become clear. A room of two, Jones and Bee. A room of two nice, Kennedy, Werner and Taylor. A room of two loud, Ball, Mason and Villiers. A room of two whingy, Fisher, Mulraney and Boakes. You can decide whether the two should be too or not and who is the odd one out in the rooms of three.
The tourists fully understand Einstein’s special theory of relativity and demonstrate that to Wixey and Harris that time really does go slower for stationary objects by taking 30 minutes instead of 15 to get ready for swimming. Werner and Mulraney are fleeced when buying goggles. Entrance to the pool is stopped immediately after the boys go through, the words “We are from Gloucester” must have had an impact on the decision. Bravely Harris gets in with the boys and is instantly set upon by 11 bullies. The lifeguard just sits and watches, no doubt hoping that he does not have to rescue him. The diving competition is easily won by Mulraney and definitely not by Kennedy. His accidental belly flop makes everyone wince. He accidentally makes everyone wince twice more.
A harmless photo of most of the boys drying and combing their hair sets in motion a series of Whatsapp posts that last for the entirety of the tour. Nicola Shiers request to be told whether Jayden was ok as he was not in the picture required an understanding and empathetic reply. Unfortunately, Ross McClarney and Harris replied. Numerous ‘Where’s Jayden?’ and ‘Is this him?’ posts followed over the next couple of hours causing Nicola to come close to breaking the GPSFA social media record set by Tash Sargeant who could seemingly reply before the question had been posted.
Diaries produced the usual set of moans and groans. The same questions are repeated over and over again until they settle down to fidget, look up at any opportunity, talk and ask the same questions once again. Harris is smirking as he sends another ‘Is this him’ picture to Whatsapp. Most put the ground played at today as Cockmannings Lane but sharp Mulraney decides to put down ‘Bobbly’ as his answer. Mason did his diary blind as he once again lost his glasses.
Boakes re-affirms his favourite tag for the Jersey eating competion at breakfast. Taylor tries to match him and piles food on his plate. He loses three eating points as he leaves most of it. Mulraney again has the morning blues and moans as he is docked two points. Kennedy is rewarded for being very polite which is quite a feat seeing who his parents are. Thankfully Mason found his glasses.
Again the group display their knowledge of Einstein’s special theory of relativity and made a 15 minute turnaround into 35 minutes when getting ready for mini-golf. Style was obviously optional as the chance to wear their own clothes was taken up. Canny Wixey grabbed some extra golf balls as history suggests that golf balls are attracted to water. He did not however anticipate the various skills levels on show. Villiers started with two nice strokes and potted the ball, Taylor did not, blasting the ball as hard as he could, sometimes in the direction of the hole. He was not alone. All spare balls were exhausted at the first water hole as Werner, Mulraney and Ball had all left their hand-eye co-ordination at the hotel. Evil Harris continued the Where’s Jayden discussion by posting a picture of all the boys…except Jayden. The reply took two seconds. Villiers appeared to be the real winner but many claimed the title. Jones and the missing Bee lost their wallets and a point each when they left them on the table in the 19th hole. All were very polite and may have earned the GPSFA a discounted package deal from the manager next year. Even Fisher was nice and bought Taylor an ice-cream, earning him a bonus point.
Yet again the turnaround demonstrated Einstein’s theory and turned 10 minutes into thirty. Wixey and Harris were not happy and read them the riot act. Taylor had lost his trousers and was read the riot act again by the unflappable Harris. Jones and Bee’s collective intelligence contrived to lose them more marks this time for locking their door with key inside. Jones’ shirt immediately started its escape having been tucked in for nearly two minutes.
Harris was forced to buy all the sandwiches or pasta as there was no time for each person to chose their own. All were happy except Fisher who still struggles with the concept of food and water being necessary to sustain life. Unflappable Harris deducts an eating point. The five-minute journey takes a long time but the team still arrive at St Albans before the closer A and Girls teams.
The game sees Gloucester on the offensive from the start and they take advantage of the slope in the second minute. An attack down the right involving Taylor, Villiers and Kennedy results in shots for Kennedy and Bee, both are blocked but Villiers is on hand to score at the far post. The tourists remain dominate for the rest of the first half but are unable to increase their lead.
Everyone is up for the battle and some like Bee, Villiers and Werner, run themselves into the ground and have to be brought off only to satisfy the coaches’ duty of care responsibilities. Boakes has to make a brave save at the feet of the onrushing striker to maintain Gloucester’s lead. Bee defies the laws of physics as he somehow manages to fire over from two metres out when facing an open goal. Fisher returns to his nice self and tries to reduce Bee’s embarrassment by missing and easy opportunity of his own. A small scratch on his knee is blamed for him lofting the ball over the bar. A very spirited performance from all gives Gloucester a superb victory by a single goal. The coaches however are not happy with Kennedy as there are still four blades of grass on the pitch that he not covered. He is sure to sleep soundly that night…or so you would think. Taylor loses his replacement trousers for his lost trousers in the changing room. The unflappable Harris shows signs of flapping but holds it together, just!. The very nice Ross McClarney puts Nicola Shiers out of her misery by posting a picture with the missing Jayden in the background Nicola immediately begins a thread about him being sub.
The five minute journey back to Bexleyheath takes a lot longer than anticipated due to an accident on the M25 and the tourists make a decision to forego the trip to the bowling (arcade in reality) and have pizzas in front of the football at the hotel instead. Harris chooses his favourite pizzas and orders them.
Remarkably the turnaround this time is completed successfully and Einstein is redundant. A major problem is raised though, the hotel does not have Sky sports and the group have to make do with rugby. A few are still happy as it is Gloucester. Mulraney, free from the morning blues is very happy and does all the fetching and carrying of paper and pens for the non-existent quiz as well as helping with the pizzas. Werner smells the pizzas and suddenly cannot do enough to help. The pizzas go down well. Boakes is now 50 to one on to win the eating prize in Jersey. The rugby holds the attention of most but some sneak away to do what strong men do when bored, colouring in.
Diaries are completed with fewer questions, less talking and surprisingly an increase in quality. There is also an improvement in the state of the rooms. The room of two achieve a full ten marks. Wixey and Harris are in shock for half an hour after awarding Bee full marks for anything. The question is will he even realise what it is for? Remarkably a room with Ball in it gets a nine. Werner and Kennedy are perplexed when they are docked marks for the room having poor décor, awful paintings and the fire detector not being in a central position.
A nice evening after a good day. It was nice while it lasted. The room of two nice are unable to tell the time and are up and dressed very early, possibly as early as four in the morning. The room of two whingy, whinged and ask them to stop making so much noise. Taylor’s response is play his music box through their keyhole. Werner and Kennedy watch him do this and lock themselves out of the room. Wixey is not happy being woken early to let them back in their room and ages another ten years through lack of sleep. He can ill afford many more additional years. The unflappable Harris flaps and reads them the riot act. Wixey goes for the much worse quiet words of disappointment.
By breakfast all are back to normal, unfortunately that means Mulraney is grumpy again. Taylor is one exception and has listened to instructions for the first time on the tour while Bee is another not acting as he usually does and is talking without any silly grins. Apart from that they are normal.
With bags packed or rather stuffed the tourists prepare leave the excellent Holiday Inn. Only a few items are found left in the rooms. Mulraney is not in the least bit embarrassed when a fluffy pink shower thing is brought out.
The five minute journey to Bexley’s ground actually takes five minutes. Unlike the walk across the field to the pitch which should be classed as more of a long trek.
Bexley pushed hard during the opening exchanges and Gloucester had to rely on Boakes to keep them in the game. One save drew applause from all supporters when he brilliantly tipped the ball over the bar. Against the run of play, Jones gave the visitors the lead. Mulraney played in Villiers, who headed over to Jones and the midfielder neatly lobbed the keeper and then took an age to fire home as the defenders closed him down. Kennedy fed Fisher and the combative striker’s powerful finish into the bottom corner increased the advantage before half time. This seemed to spark the home support into some sort of action, all aimed at the referee. They began appealing for every decision no matter how innocuous the challenge or that their sons had been touched by a Gloucester boy. This got increasingly worse as the game progressed with the Bexley coach joining in for a while. Luckily the ref was made of sterner stuff and ignored the idiots, as thankfully did the Gloucester boys. With the mob appealing to the ref that the grass is blue and the sky is green, the away side looked in control of the game until they began to tire after four games in five days. Bexley scored two goals in the final few minutes to square the game. Extra time needed to be played as the match was doubling up as cup game as well as a league fixture. Early in extra time a clash of heads saw Ball come off the worst. With Ball unable to remember anything from the last ten minutes and dizzy he was withdrawn and slowly walked the five miles back to the changing room. Wixey aged another 10 years which he could ill afford. Extra time finished without further score and Bexley won on penalties.
Ball was superb throughout his ordeal and never once complained. The McClarney’s answered the call for assistance without question and met the minibus at the hospital so that Lou could travel back with the team and Ross very kindly offered to stay with Harris until Ball had been assessed. He did however show his nasty side by slowly eating a crème egg in front of all the boys, savouring every bit as they drooled. The Minibus left the hospital with the Lou and family on board. She had learnt her lesson and correctly answered all time queries with five minutes as did her daughter who enjoyed doing so so much that she began instigating the questions just so she could tell them “five minutes”.
Everyone was relieved when Ball was allowed to travel back home and some sort of normality was restored when the members of the travelling parties were switched back at Newbury services.
A very tired group returned to Longlevens after three intense days. Ball was safely back with his mum, Boakes was still hungry, Jones’ shirt was still escaping, it was still not Fisher’s fault, Taylor was still not listening and had not lost anything for 8 full hours, Mulraney was happy it was not morning, Villiers, Werner and Kennedy were still extremely nice, Mason had not lost his glasses for a whole day and Bee was never lost. Einstein was happy his theory had been proven, each journey had been five minutes long, Nicola Shiers had broken the record for the number of posts in a single day only to be broken immediately by Ross McClarney complaining about the number of posts Nicola had made.
Harris was unusually quiet but was back to his unflappable self and was looking forward to a quiet evening chilling. Wixey laughed when he dropped Harris off as a big family get together was in full swing. The look on his face was a picture. Wixey got his comeuppance a few minutes later as had aged sufficiently to find a telegram from the Queen waiting for him at home and when he went into the pub for a well-earned drink, Nicola Shiers was there. AAAGHHHHHHHH!!!
The loss of the mini-bus early in the week aged coach Wixey by 10 years, years he can ill afford, but thankfully an alternative was found just in time.
Bee celebrated his birthday with a goal in the 2-1 victory over Orpington. A hard-fought encounter with little good football on show. The visitors taking the lead with a header from a corner before Bee put the finishing touch to the only good move of the first half for the home side. Taylor, Kennedy and Fisher combined to set up the birthday boy to knock the ball in from close range. Ten minutes into the second half the only other move of any quality gave the yellows the decisive goal in a scrappy game. Jones neatly taking the ball round the advancing keeper with a sublime touch and holding his nerve to fire in past the defenders. Boakes had to be at his usual best to keep out the South Londoners as they looked for an equaliser. Orpington’s best chance came when they were awarded a penalty. Unfortunately for the visitors it was put wide but Boakes was confident that he had it covered anyway. He was subsequently proved right by a great action shot by Hickey, well worth the fiver he charged.
Wixey aged another 10 years when he had his second big shock of the week, Nicola Shiers was now back on WhatsApp.
When the big day arrived, or rather the very early morning arrived, all were excited except Mulraney who looked as if he had been sentenced to three days of double maths. It was so early that as soon as the boys were safely aboard the mini-bus the parents vanished, eager to return to their beds no-doubt. Leaving the boys waving goodbye to…no-one! Unperturbed they began their favourite game of trying to get Harris to tell them how long it would be to the services and groaning when every answer given was five minutes.
To pass the time. Harris and Wixey played their usual game of naming a select team from their years at the helm of the B team. Last year’s ugliest team was great fun but this year they chose to name the nicest team. Surprisingly one person from this year’s team made the cut but the stewards enquiry may overturn the decision. One sibling of the current team made it in as captain!
Cheers were yelled as Wixey steered into the services. It had been a long five minutes. Breakfast McDonalds, KFC and Greggs were the favourite picks of the finely tuned sportsmen. Taylor wastes money on a music box that even he is not too sure what it does. At least it keeps Harris quiet for a while figuring out what he had actually bought. All refreshed, the tourist embark on the next leg of journey, a five-minute drive to Wembley.
The new part guide, part digital media tour is a hit with the boys and they instantly turn into digital zombies, wandering around with earphones on and the video screen fewer than 11 inches from their noses. With all videos viewed before the tour had actually started, the earphones helped them blank out anything Wixey and Harris said while some thought that by staring intently at the video screen it would eventually change into a Gameboy or some such device.
Thankfully the tour guide was interesting enough to gradually ween them off the devices and actually listen, except for Bee. Who seemed happier in his own world. Jones’ shirt began its bid for freedom, escaping from under his jumper and Villiers indicated he would like a drink for the first time then again one minute later, he repeated his request again sixty seconds later and then waited another whole minute before asking for a drink. Facts learnt, shirts photographed, changing rooms explored, seats sat in, cup held aloft and Villiers’ thirst quenched, the race to the gift shop could begin. All were keen to give over their parents hard-earned cash to the benefit of the extremely poor and needy Football Association. But when they got there, all that could be seen was a sea of cockerels and Harry Kane faces printed on just about any thing you can think of and more. Their money was stuffed back into wallets quicker than the time it takes Taylor to think of shooting. However, Boakes and Wixey are seen starry eyed and drooling and have to be dragged out of the temporary Tottenham shop. The run down Wembley Way was seemingly won by everyone and the battle between Harris’ camera and the low sun was comprehensively won by the sun.
The five-minute journey to Orpington passed off without incident.
The return leg of the double-header against Orpington started with the home side more determined, quicker to the ball and playing with the greater quality. This pattern continued for virtually the whole of the match. Fisher being the only Gloucester player able to match the physicality of the Londoners although Bee and Werner worked hard. Boakes did well to keep the final score down to 4-1. Jones netting the visitors only goal with a header, the one bright spot in a lacklustre performance by the tourists.
Lou McClarney let the whole of the GPSFA down by answering the question of “How long will it take to get the hotel?”, with an answer other than 5 minutes. Wixey and Harris were not amused. Jones’ shirt immediately escapes within a minute of being tucked in. Amazingly Villiers is not thirsty and when the enquiry is repeated in quick succession he completely misses the point and politely says “no thanks” each time.
The rooms are allocated with twos as the basis with three people in three rooms. All will become clear. A room of two, Jones and Bee. A room of two nice, Kennedy, Werner and Taylor. A room of two loud, Ball, Mason and Villiers. A room of two whingy, Fisher, Mulraney and Boakes. You can decide whether the two should be too or not and who is the odd one out in the rooms of three.
The tourists fully understand Einstein’s special theory of relativity and demonstrate that to Wixey and Harris that time really does go slower for stationary objects by taking 30 minutes instead of 15 to get ready for swimming. Werner and Mulraney are fleeced when buying goggles. Entrance to the pool is stopped immediately after the boys go through, the words “We are from Gloucester” must have had an impact on the decision. Bravely Harris gets in with the boys and is instantly set upon by 11 bullies. The lifeguard just sits and watches, no doubt hoping that he does not have to rescue him. The diving competition is easily won by Mulraney and definitely not by Kennedy. His accidental belly flop makes everyone wince. He accidentally makes everyone wince twice more.
A harmless photo of most of the boys drying and combing their hair sets in motion a series of Whatsapp posts that last for the entirety of the tour. Nicola Shiers request to be told whether Jayden was ok as he was not in the picture required an understanding and empathetic reply. Unfortunately, Ross McClarney and Harris replied. Numerous ‘Where’s Jayden?’ and ‘Is this him?’ posts followed over the next couple of hours causing Nicola to come close to breaking the GPSFA social media record set by Tash Sargeant who could seemingly reply before the question had been posted.
Diaries produced the usual set of moans and groans. The same questions are repeated over and over again until they settle down to fidget, look up at any opportunity, talk and ask the same questions once again. Harris is smirking as he sends another ‘Is this him’ picture to Whatsapp. Most put the ground played at today as Cockmannings Lane but sharp Mulraney decides to put down ‘Bobbly’ as his answer. Mason did his diary blind as he once again lost his glasses.
Boakes re-affirms his favourite tag for the Jersey eating competion at breakfast. Taylor tries to match him and piles food on his plate. He loses three eating points as he leaves most of it. Mulraney again has the morning blues and moans as he is docked two points. Kennedy is rewarded for being very polite which is quite a feat seeing who his parents are. Thankfully Mason found his glasses.
Again the group display their knowledge of Einstein’s special theory of relativity and made a 15 minute turnaround into 35 minutes when getting ready for mini-golf. Style was obviously optional as the chance to wear their own clothes was taken up. Canny Wixey grabbed some extra golf balls as history suggests that golf balls are attracted to water. He did not however anticipate the various skills levels on show. Villiers started with two nice strokes and potted the ball, Taylor did not, blasting the ball as hard as he could, sometimes in the direction of the hole. He was not alone. All spare balls were exhausted at the first water hole as Werner, Mulraney and Ball had all left their hand-eye co-ordination at the hotel. Evil Harris continued the Where’s Jayden discussion by posting a picture of all the boys…except Jayden. The reply took two seconds. Villiers appeared to be the real winner but many claimed the title. Jones and the missing Bee lost their wallets and a point each when they left them on the table in the 19th hole. All were very polite and may have earned the GPSFA a discounted package deal from the manager next year. Even Fisher was nice and bought Taylor an ice-cream, earning him a bonus point.
Yet again the turnaround demonstrated Einstein’s theory and turned 10 minutes into thirty. Wixey and Harris were not happy and read them the riot act. Taylor had lost his trousers and was read the riot act again by the unflappable Harris. Jones and Bee’s collective intelligence contrived to lose them more marks this time for locking their door with key inside. Jones’ shirt immediately started its escape having been tucked in for nearly two minutes.
Harris was forced to buy all the sandwiches or pasta as there was no time for each person to chose their own. All were happy except Fisher who still struggles with the concept of food and water being necessary to sustain life. Unflappable Harris deducts an eating point. The five-minute journey takes a long time but the team still arrive at St Albans before the closer A and Girls teams.
The game sees Gloucester on the offensive from the start and they take advantage of the slope in the second minute. An attack down the right involving Taylor, Villiers and Kennedy results in shots for Kennedy and Bee, both are blocked but Villiers is on hand to score at the far post. The tourists remain dominate for the rest of the first half but are unable to increase their lead.
Everyone is up for the battle and some like Bee, Villiers and Werner, run themselves into the ground and have to be brought off only to satisfy the coaches’ duty of care responsibilities. Boakes has to make a brave save at the feet of the onrushing striker to maintain Gloucester’s lead. Bee defies the laws of physics as he somehow manages to fire over from two metres out when facing an open goal. Fisher returns to his nice self and tries to reduce Bee’s embarrassment by missing and easy opportunity of his own. A small scratch on his knee is blamed for him lofting the ball over the bar. A very spirited performance from all gives Gloucester a superb victory by a single goal. The coaches however are not happy with Kennedy as there are still four blades of grass on the pitch that he not covered. He is sure to sleep soundly that night…or so you would think. Taylor loses his replacement trousers for his lost trousers in the changing room. The unflappable Harris shows signs of flapping but holds it together, just!. The very nice Ross McClarney puts Nicola Shiers out of her misery by posting a picture with the missing Jayden in the background Nicola immediately begins a thread about him being sub.
The five minute journey back to Bexleyheath takes a lot longer than anticipated due to an accident on the M25 and the tourists make a decision to forego the trip to the bowling (arcade in reality) and have pizzas in front of the football at the hotel instead. Harris chooses his favourite pizzas and orders them.
Remarkably the turnaround this time is completed successfully and Einstein is redundant. A major problem is raised though, the hotel does not have Sky sports and the group have to make do with rugby. A few are still happy as it is Gloucester. Mulraney, free from the morning blues is very happy and does all the fetching and carrying of paper and pens for the non-existent quiz as well as helping with the pizzas. Werner smells the pizzas and suddenly cannot do enough to help. The pizzas go down well. Boakes is now 50 to one on to win the eating prize in Jersey. The rugby holds the attention of most but some sneak away to do what strong men do when bored, colouring in.
Diaries are completed with fewer questions, less talking and surprisingly an increase in quality. There is also an improvement in the state of the rooms. The room of two achieve a full ten marks. Wixey and Harris are in shock for half an hour after awarding Bee full marks for anything. The question is will he even realise what it is for? Remarkably a room with Ball in it gets a nine. Werner and Kennedy are perplexed when they are docked marks for the room having poor décor, awful paintings and the fire detector not being in a central position.
A nice evening after a good day. It was nice while it lasted. The room of two nice are unable to tell the time and are up and dressed very early, possibly as early as four in the morning. The room of two whingy, whinged and ask them to stop making so much noise. Taylor’s response is play his music box through their keyhole. Werner and Kennedy watch him do this and lock themselves out of the room. Wixey is not happy being woken early to let them back in their room and ages another ten years through lack of sleep. He can ill afford many more additional years. The unflappable Harris flaps and reads them the riot act. Wixey goes for the much worse quiet words of disappointment.
By breakfast all are back to normal, unfortunately that means Mulraney is grumpy again. Taylor is one exception and has listened to instructions for the first time on the tour while Bee is another not acting as he usually does and is talking without any silly grins. Apart from that they are normal.
With bags packed or rather stuffed the tourists prepare leave the excellent Holiday Inn. Only a few items are found left in the rooms. Mulraney is not in the least bit embarrassed when a fluffy pink shower thing is brought out.
The five minute journey to Bexley’s ground actually takes five minutes. Unlike the walk across the field to the pitch which should be classed as more of a long trek.
Bexley pushed hard during the opening exchanges and Gloucester had to rely on Boakes to keep them in the game. One save drew applause from all supporters when he brilliantly tipped the ball over the bar. Against the run of play, Jones gave the visitors the lead. Mulraney played in Villiers, who headed over to Jones and the midfielder neatly lobbed the keeper and then took an age to fire home as the defenders closed him down. Kennedy fed Fisher and the combative striker’s powerful finish into the bottom corner increased the advantage before half time. This seemed to spark the home support into some sort of action, all aimed at the referee. They began appealing for every decision no matter how innocuous the challenge or that their sons had been touched by a Gloucester boy. This got increasingly worse as the game progressed with the Bexley coach joining in for a while. Luckily the ref was made of sterner stuff and ignored the idiots, as thankfully did the Gloucester boys. With the mob appealing to the ref that the grass is blue and the sky is green, the away side looked in control of the game until they began to tire after four games in five days. Bexley scored two goals in the final few minutes to square the game. Extra time needed to be played as the match was doubling up as cup game as well as a league fixture. Early in extra time a clash of heads saw Ball come off the worst. With Ball unable to remember anything from the last ten minutes and dizzy he was withdrawn and slowly walked the five miles back to the changing room. Wixey aged another 10 years which he could ill afford. Extra time finished without further score and Bexley won on penalties.
Ball was superb throughout his ordeal and never once complained. The McClarney’s answered the call for assistance without question and met the minibus at the hospital so that Lou could travel back with the team and Ross very kindly offered to stay with Harris until Ball had been assessed. He did however show his nasty side by slowly eating a crème egg in front of all the boys, savouring every bit as they drooled. The Minibus left the hospital with the Lou and family on board. She had learnt her lesson and correctly answered all time queries with five minutes as did her daughter who enjoyed doing so so much that she began instigating the questions just so she could tell them “five minutes”.
Everyone was relieved when Ball was allowed to travel back home and some sort of normality was restored when the members of the travelling parties were switched back at Newbury services.
A very tired group returned to Longlevens after three intense days. Ball was safely back with his mum, Boakes was still hungry, Jones’ shirt was still escaping, it was still not Fisher’s fault, Taylor was still not listening and had not lost anything for 8 full hours, Mulraney was happy it was not morning, Villiers, Werner and Kennedy were still extremely nice, Mason had not lost his glasses for a whole day and Bee was never lost. Einstein was happy his theory had been proven, each journey had been five minutes long, Nicola Shiers had broken the record for the number of posts in a single day only to be broken immediately by Ross McClarney complaining about the number of posts Nicola had made.
Harris was unusually quiet but was back to his unflappable self and was looking forward to a quiet evening chilling. Wixey laughed when he dropped Harris off as a big family get together was in full swing. The look on his face was a picture. Wixey got his comeuppance a few minutes later as had aged sufficiently to find a telegram from the Queen waiting for him at home and when he went into the pub for a well-earned drink, Nicola Shiers was there. AAAGHHHHHHHH!!!
