The Island of Adventure… and plastic bags
Saturday
The excited group set off from Longlevens in good spirits, with all looking forward to the adventures that may lie ahead.
With Fieldhouse doing his best to make the big birthday badge pinned on him disappear and Harding seemingly incapable of working out how to use a door handle on the toilet, the boys settled into the journey without any fuss - unlike Coach Owen, who at the first opportunity attempts to wind up Coach Harris about his You Tube post in which he had spilt banana milk all over himself that morning. A tame effort, but one that would surely be the first of many as the coaches celebrate being able to be children again themselves for a whole week.
Inyinbor shows his lack of experience of travelling abroad by asking if, ‘……we are in Jersey now,’ as we arrive at Southampton airport. Everyone feels sorry for Flatt as he loses his Chocolate Weetabix breakfast drink to security, but laugh as the pocket-sized criminal overlord is frisked. Lock, having never flown before, loses not one, but two Capri Suns.
Inyinbor and Lock cope well on their maiden flight, but Coach Wilson plays the part of the confused old man well, by rising from his seat before the seatbelt sign is extinguished, receiving some good- natured abuse for his efforts.
Coach Wixey again loses out to Coach Harris in the room stakes and is located next to Inyinbor and Campbell, even though he himself checked everyone in! The group set off for their first trip to the beach at St Ouen where, after braving the cold sea, rugby and ice creams are the order of the day.
Harris and Wixey are relieved as all fall asleep quickly once diaries are completed. They turn their attentions to the first match and hope that the goal drought of last year is not repeated.
Sunday
On entering the very hot Arrowsmith room, it is discovered that he turned on the radiator believing it will blow out cold air. The family business will be in safe hands in a few years’ time. Laughing at his own stupidity, he dives into the shower. Fieldhouse demonstrates his budding French language skills at breakfast. When advised to say ‘non’ to a cooked breakfast in favour of croissants, he asked if ‘non’ is French for croissant……?
The first game against Orpington B is a close affair where chances are at a premium, Orpington coming out on top by the only goal of the game. Inyinbor, Lock and Irvine all turn in fine displays. Wixey and Harris fear history is going to repeat itself and they are going to go through the whole week without scoring again. Worse still, the Chairman may be on the phone from his castle back in the UK with the offer of another ten year contract.
A sudden drop in temperature as Plemont Bay is reached further challenges the bravery of the group. The race to be ‘first in’ shows that most pass with ease. Cooper, Lock and Easterbrook win the race and virtually all follow. Some are encouraged to join by being pushed and dragged in. Once the caves are explored and the rocks climbed, swimming in the sea is naturally followed by…..swimming in the hotel pool. Taylor wins the inevitable race, Harris does not and blames Campbell, the colour of the water and just about everything else. Campbell does not tie his shorts properly and pays the ultimate price as his backside is bared to all. Arrowsmith endures a third soaking by having another shower afterwards.
In the evening, Coach Wilson backed up by the rest of the A Team coaches, attempts to outdo American film makers by re-writing history and exaggerates the length of time Wixey and Harris have gone without a goal in Jersey to two years. Coaches from other districts begin to ask them about their three and four-year goal drought. Night falls, and Wixey prays for the first time in his entire existence.
Monday
The pressure begins to tell on Harris and he forgets to put on any underwear.
Potters Bar take the lead early on and increase the pressure on the coaching duo, especially Harris, who is now so tense he lets out a profanity as an over-the-top tackle fells Inyinbor. To compound this, he turns round quickly and accidently catches Campbell in the face with a swinging arm. This all takes place in front of the startled Head of the Fulham FC Academy. The pressure is soon relieved though as Taylor scores and sparks the biggest celebration the coaching team has ever made as they high five down the touchline. To the delight of all involved with Gloucester, a last minute goal from Inyinbor secures a fully deserved victory. Harding, Arrowsmith and Taylor are the top picks in a good team display. Harris continues his own personal disaster of a day by injuring Flatt, firing the ball against his arm with a wayward strike after the real game has ended.
The team is in great spirits for the afternoon’s activity, swimming at Les Quennevais Leisure Centre. Even a young, very grumpy female life guard cannot dampen their mood. During the journey, the boys are shown where Jersey potatoes are grown as well as being shown the fields where plastic is grown to make into bags. Some think the fields look more like lakes. The rolled-up bales of plastic have already been harvested of course. Nobody offers a counter argument.
The evening meal saw Lock revert back to using his fingers to save on washing up the cutlery and Easterbrook smothering everything in ketchup, hoping that he can disguise whatever taste there may be and gain credit for one of his five a day. He loses out on both counts. The battle between the Premier League eaters hots up, Cooper consumes everything without the slightest bit of fuss, Campbell, Irvine and Harding having to force down their meals to maintain parity. Cornwell has the table in stiches with his character Jeremar Higginbottom, slating each person in turn.
Wixey and Harris enjoyed the evening as they were at last free from ridicule about not scoring any goals. Harris’ joy did not last though as he received a letter summoning him to meet with the Head of the Jersey FA regarding his conduct that morning. The headed notepaper and well-crafted letter gave the appearance of an official document, but Harris is not fooled. After consulting with Wixey the pair agreed that this had all the hallmarks of an elaborate prank by Coach Owen. They decide to try and turn the tables on Owen by making him believe Harris is extremely worried and having panic attacks about it.
Tuesday
Harris played the part of a very worried person in a convincing manner at breakfast. Irvine loses ground in the eating league by leaving a solitary sausage.
An under 12 side from St Pauls, a local club, provide the morning’s opposition, the 2-2 draw rewarding the hosts for their never say die attitude and ability to play to their strengths by hurting their visitors on the break. Lock claims both goals for the tourists, but the Dubious Goals Panel may well be in touch to discount one of them.
Harris again pretends to be anxious after the game, telling people he is thinking of leaving the island and does not intend going to the meeting with the Head of the Jersey FA. Wixey adds a few low key comments to back up the story to others. Coach Owen says he will do what he can to help and starts the five mile walk (limp) back to the clubhouse to make a call. Harris and Wixey have to work hard not to laugh out loud. Coach Owen still refuses to give in and informs Harris that he has sorted it. Harris then turns the screw and says that is not enough and he is still panicky. A stubborn Owen refuses to come clean and tries to calm Harris, both gaining Oscar nominations for their performances.
Flatt is still worried about his poorly arm and tells Harris he is going to sue him for his injury. Harris offers all his worldly goods in appeasement….the sale of which will give a grand total of £3.27. Flatt flatly refuses.
When Aquasplash is announced as the afternoon’s destination, the cheers could be heard back in Gloucester. Flatt’s arm suddenly improves and Taylor actually smiles. For once Harris is not set upon and all enjoy a great afternoon. Wixey enjoys some peace and quiet. Irvine and Harding have to do the walk of shame back to the mini-bus wrapped in towels as well as losing DREAM marks as they have forgotten to pack a change of clothes.
Coach Owen finally comes clean to Harris about trying to play a prank on him and apologises about causing him any anxiety. Harris makes Owen squirm a bit more before letting on that he knew all along. A very elaborate prank that had so many twists and turns was finally over. Harris had won. Bet Fred have Coach Owen at odds-on to try again before the end of the season.
At dinner, Cooper was asked was there anything he did not like. His reply of,“ Yes, but my mum is not that good a good cook, so this is all so nice,” was perfect for Wixey and Harris as they were going to see the parents who were in Jersey that evening. Flatt and Harding added to their joy when they volunteered embarrassing stories about their mums. Prosecco seems to be the common thread to the stories. Inyinbor very kindly offered to run an errand and was seen waiting by a pillar for an age as he asked other coaches for the required ‘long wait’. Many other boys were spotted waiting by pillars that evening. All went straight up to do their diaries, except Arrowsmith, who went for his umpteenth shower of the trip.
Meeting with the parents was an experience very similar to a night out in Gloucester. Prosecco flowed, lips loosened and some even became very protective of the group when challenged by outsiders. One mum even announces that she will run unclothed down the line if her son scores the next day. Wixey sets a reminder to pray for a penalty that night so he can give it to her son. Sun glasses could be out in force the next morning.
Wednesday
Wixey was woken early by Inyinbor reporting that Campbell had been sick. Inyinbor had already been a perfect stand-in mum by running him a bubble bath and getting him a towel, completely ignoring the fact that it was his own birthday. When Arrowsmith hears of the bubble bath he immediately jumps into the shower. Inyinbor enjoyed all the attention he was given at breakfast though. Campbell was very quiet and not happy that he was not going to be able to play football that morning.
Campbell is sick again but wants to play in the game. He does and is the best player on the pitch, setting up two goals and scoring one before feeling ill again. The Bs run out 7-2 winners against a Jersey Development team, Easterbrook scoring a fine hat-trick. The first a penalty that saw Wixey looking to the heavens to say thank you before doing the honourable thing and giving it to Easterbrook to take. Flatt outjumped the goalkeeper to head home, Lock and Inyinbor completed the scoring.
Coach Basford is not amused as he is given a £100 parking ticket outside the hotel during lunch. He is confident that he will have it rescinded and says he has learnt his lesson.
Wixey plays nursemaid to Campbell while Harris does his impression of the Pied Piper of Hamelin, a line of children following him as he snakes across the rocks at La Corbiere.
A GPSFA quiz follows and shows some cannot even spell GPSFA, let alone name some of the officials. They are more successful with the football quiz apart from picking out Harris from a childhood snap. They are not amused and are even more amazed that he was once a child.
More sickness follows. New competitions emerge- who can fill the plastic bags and bins quickest and who can look the greenest? Irvine is the early leader in both. Arrowsmith has his own remedy - more showers.
Thursday
The team picks itself by virtue of the fact that the chosen few are able to walk to the pitch. Irvine spends the entire time off the field completely horizontal, Fieldhouse is not far behind. Fit again Flatt injures his ankle and has to come off. Understandably the team do not play to their potential and go down by a single goal to Barking & Dagenham. Irvine is declared man of the match as he has covered more ground than anyone else.
After the match, Flatt is seen resting his ankle in his Grandparents’ chair while they fuss around him like servants. When they need to move him, they carry him in his chair and King Ben is born.
The traffic warden who booked Basford the day before waits to see if he is stupid enough to repeat the offence and gain himself an easy bonus. Basford is and does. Another £100 fine is slapped on the windscreen. The traffic warden is last seen jumping in the air and clicking his heels.
Harris is nursemaid for the sick this time as Wixey leads the rest of the group in an assault on the town centre. All want to spend their parents’ hard earned money sensibly, but very few do.
This is followed by swimming in the hotel pool. It has the advantage of plastic bags, bins and toilets being nearby, thinks Wixey. It also means Irvine can remain horizontal when swimming. Arrowsmith uses the free time afterwards to jump into the shower.
Harding leaves a single piece of cheese during dinner and is out of the Premier Eating League race. Cooper is not bothered in the slightest and continues to devour everything, just because he can.
Friday
Wixey wakes up to more early morning knocking on the door to report more sickness, but thankfully all appear to be well come the match. Opponents Orpington A have had similar problems and there are fears the game could end up 5-a-side. Fieldhouse manages to dress himself with his shorts on backwards.
The team give a very good account of themselves and are the equals of a strong Orpington A team for most of the match, holding them to 1-1 until the last ten minutes before eventually going down 3-1. Taylor and Campbell turn in impressive performances and Fieldhouse scores a fine individual goal. A good display to bring to an end a great week of football for the B Team. By appearing in all the Gloucester A and B games, Cornwell becomes a record breaker by being the first person to play in twelve games in a single festival.
The coaches’ match was not the best advert for the game. The supposed role models seemed intent on doing everything at half pace as they huffed and puffed around the pitch. The spectators were not sure whether more cheating was squeezed into this short game or more fat squeezed into the kits. Harris suffered abuse from his charges for the whole game. They seemed intent on using the opportunity to return with interest every shout he had made from the touchline this season.
Irvine has not been horizontal for nearly four hours. This is rectified during lunch when he is ill once again.
Aquasplash wins the vote over guarding Basford’s minibus from marauding traffic wardens for the last activity of the tour.
Campbell becomes the team’s unofficial stylist as he checks and smartens everyone up in readiness for the evening’s Gala Dinner; Inyinbor presents him his the biggest challenge. The clapping and handshaking is surprisingly enjoyed by everyone. The captains are relieved when it is revealed they do not have to make speeches during the meal. So as not to waste their prepared speeches, three of them deliver them to the two teams afterwards, but Irvine disappointingly refrains, preferring to be horizontal instead.
Saturday
Inyinbor, Cornwell and Harris fall at the last hurdle and are struck down with the bug. Easterbrook, Cooper and Wixey are now the only ones to stay clear of the ravages for the whole of the week. Wixey collects as many plastic bags as he can for the journey home and puts them all inside a drawstring bag. Inyinbor grabs the bag and instead of taking one out, is sick over them all. Wixey is not amused. He only has clear bags left. Cornwell turns a shade of green more at home on a Dulux colour chart. Irvine struggles to rise from his horizontal position and is unsteady on his feet until he remembers how to use them. Harris just moans and groans and is of little use to anybody. During the checkout, Wixey sees a plumber enter Arrowsmith’s old room looking for a water leak. Apparently, the water usage has more than quadrupled during the past week. Wixey keeps quiet and closes the door.
As the plane takes off on its short flight back to the UK, the group can be very proud of how they have handled the week. The tough matches, being away from home, the formality of hotel living, being with 13 other people 24/7, being away from parents and the different food as well as the sickness. Throughout all of that, the group have still been able to have fun, smile and laugh for the whole of the time away. There have been many adventures, new places explored, many jokes played and many memories made.
Yes, Jersey 2017- it’s been a really great time.
The excited group set off from Longlevens in good spirits, with all looking forward to the adventures that may lie ahead.
With Fieldhouse doing his best to make the big birthday badge pinned on him disappear and Harding seemingly incapable of working out how to use a door handle on the toilet, the boys settled into the journey without any fuss - unlike Coach Owen, who at the first opportunity attempts to wind up Coach Harris about his You Tube post in which he had spilt banana milk all over himself that morning. A tame effort, but one that would surely be the first of many as the coaches celebrate being able to be children again themselves for a whole week.
Inyinbor shows his lack of experience of travelling abroad by asking if, ‘……we are in Jersey now,’ as we arrive at Southampton airport. Everyone feels sorry for Flatt as he loses his Chocolate Weetabix breakfast drink to security, but laugh as the pocket-sized criminal overlord is frisked. Lock, having never flown before, loses not one, but two Capri Suns.
Inyinbor and Lock cope well on their maiden flight, but Coach Wilson plays the part of the confused old man well, by rising from his seat before the seatbelt sign is extinguished, receiving some good- natured abuse for his efforts.
Coach Wixey again loses out to Coach Harris in the room stakes and is located next to Inyinbor and Campbell, even though he himself checked everyone in! The group set off for their first trip to the beach at St Ouen where, after braving the cold sea, rugby and ice creams are the order of the day.
Harris and Wixey are relieved as all fall asleep quickly once diaries are completed. They turn their attentions to the first match and hope that the goal drought of last year is not repeated.
Sunday
On entering the very hot Arrowsmith room, it is discovered that he turned on the radiator believing it will blow out cold air. The family business will be in safe hands in a few years’ time. Laughing at his own stupidity, he dives into the shower. Fieldhouse demonstrates his budding French language skills at breakfast. When advised to say ‘non’ to a cooked breakfast in favour of croissants, he asked if ‘non’ is French for croissant……?
The first game against Orpington B is a close affair where chances are at a premium, Orpington coming out on top by the only goal of the game. Inyinbor, Lock and Irvine all turn in fine displays. Wixey and Harris fear history is going to repeat itself and they are going to go through the whole week without scoring again. Worse still, the Chairman may be on the phone from his castle back in the UK with the offer of another ten year contract.
A sudden drop in temperature as Plemont Bay is reached further challenges the bravery of the group. The race to be ‘first in’ shows that most pass with ease. Cooper, Lock and Easterbrook win the race and virtually all follow. Some are encouraged to join by being pushed and dragged in. Once the caves are explored and the rocks climbed, swimming in the sea is naturally followed by…..swimming in the hotel pool. Taylor wins the inevitable race, Harris does not and blames Campbell, the colour of the water and just about everything else. Campbell does not tie his shorts properly and pays the ultimate price as his backside is bared to all. Arrowsmith endures a third soaking by having another shower afterwards.
In the evening, Coach Wilson backed up by the rest of the A Team coaches, attempts to outdo American film makers by re-writing history and exaggerates the length of time Wixey and Harris have gone without a goal in Jersey to two years. Coaches from other districts begin to ask them about their three and four-year goal drought. Night falls, and Wixey prays for the first time in his entire existence.
Monday
The pressure begins to tell on Harris and he forgets to put on any underwear.
Potters Bar take the lead early on and increase the pressure on the coaching duo, especially Harris, who is now so tense he lets out a profanity as an over-the-top tackle fells Inyinbor. To compound this, he turns round quickly and accidently catches Campbell in the face with a swinging arm. This all takes place in front of the startled Head of the Fulham FC Academy. The pressure is soon relieved though as Taylor scores and sparks the biggest celebration the coaching team has ever made as they high five down the touchline. To the delight of all involved with Gloucester, a last minute goal from Inyinbor secures a fully deserved victory. Harding, Arrowsmith and Taylor are the top picks in a good team display. Harris continues his own personal disaster of a day by injuring Flatt, firing the ball against his arm with a wayward strike after the real game has ended.
The team is in great spirits for the afternoon’s activity, swimming at Les Quennevais Leisure Centre. Even a young, very grumpy female life guard cannot dampen their mood. During the journey, the boys are shown where Jersey potatoes are grown as well as being shown the fields where plastic is grown to make into bags. Some think the fields look more like lakes. The rolled-up bales of plastic have already been harvested of course. Nobody offers a counter argument.
The evening meal saw Lock revert back to using his fingers to save on washing up the cutlery and Easterbrook smothering everything in ketchup, hoping that he can disguise whatever taste there may be and gain credit for one of his five a day. He loses out on both counts. The battle between the Premier League eaters hots up, Cooper consumes everything without the slightest bit of fuss, Campbell, Irvine and Harding having to force down their meals to maintain parity. Cornwell has the table in stiches with his character Jeremar Higginbottom, slating each person in turn.
Wixey and Harris enjoyed the evening as they were at last free from ridicule about not scoring any goals. Harris’ joy did not last though as he received a letter summoning him to meet with the Head of the Jersey FA regarding his conduct that morning. The headed notepaper and well-crafted letter gave the appearance of an official document, but Harris is not fooled. After consulting with Wixey the pair agreed that this had all the hallmarks of an elaborate prank by Coach Owen. They decide to try and turn the tables on Owen by making him believe Harris is extremely worried and having panic attacks about it.
Tuesday
Harris played the part of a very worried person in a convincing manner at breakfast. Irvine loses ground in the eating league by leaving a solitary sausage.
An under 12 side from St Pauls, a local club, provide the morning’s opposition, the 2-2 draw rewarding the hosts for their never say die attitude and ability to play to their strengths by hurting their visitors on the break. Lock claims both goals for the tourists, but the Dubious Goals Panel may well be in touch to discount one of them.
Harris again pretends to be anxious after the game, telling people he is thinking of leaving the island and does not intend going to the meeting with the Head of the Jersey FA. Wixey adds a few low key comments to back up the story to others. Coach Owen says he will do what he can to help and starts the five mile walk (limp) back to the clubhouse to make a call. Harris and Wixey have to work hard not to laugh out loud. Coach Owen still refuses to give in and informs Harris that he has sorted it. Harris then turns the screw and says that is not enough and he is still panicky. A stubborn Owen refuses to come clean and tries to calm Harris, both gaining Oscar nominations for their performances.
Flatt is still worried about his poorly arm and tells Harris he is going to sue him for his injury. Harris offers all his worldly goods in appeasement….the sale of which will give a grand total of £3.27. Flatt flatly refuses.
When Aquasplash is announced as the afternoon’s destination, the cheers could be heard back in Gloucester. Flatt’s arm suddenly improves and Taylor actually smiles. For once Harris is not set upon and all enjoy a great afternoon. Wixey enjoys some peace and quiet. Irvine and Harding have to do the walk of shame back to the mini-bus wrapped in towels as well as losing DREAM marks as they have forgotten to pack a change of clothes.
Coach Owen finally comes clean to Harris about trying to play a prank on him and apologises about causing him any anxiety. Harris makes Owen squirm a bit more before letting on that he knew all along. A very elaborate prank that had so many twists and turns was finally over. Harris had won. Bet Fred have Coach Owen at odds-on to try again before the end of the season.
At dinner, Cooper was asked was there anything he did not like. His reply of,“ Yes, but my mum is not that good a good cook, so this is all so nice,” was perfect for Wixey and Harris as they were going to see the parents who were in Jersey that evening. Flatt and Harding added to their joy when they volunteered embarrassing stories about their mums. Prosecco seems to be the common thread to the stories. Inyinbor very kindly offered to run an errand and was seen waiting by a pillar for an age as he asked other coaches for the required ‘long wait’. Many other boys were spotted waiting by pillars that evening. All went straight up to do their diaries, except Arrowsmith, who went for his umpteenth shower of the trip.
Meeting with the parents was an experience very similar to a night out in Gloucester. Prosecco flowed, lips loosened and some even became very protective of the group when challenged by outsiders. One mum even announces that she will run unclothed down the line if her son scores the next day. Wixey sets a reminder to pray for a penalty that night so he can give it to her son. Sun glasses could be out in force the next morning.
Wednesday
Wixey was woken early by Inyinbor reporting that Campbell had been sick. Inyinbor had already been a perfect stand-in mum by running him a bubble bath and getting him a towel, completely ignoring the fact that it was his own birthday. When Arrowsmith hears of the bubble bath he immediately jumps into the shower. Inyinbor enjoyed all the attention he was given at breakfast though. Campbell was very quiet and not happy that he was not going to be able to play football that morning.
Campbell is sick again but wants to play in the game. He does and is the best player on the pitch, setting up two goals and scoring one before feeling ill again. The Bs run out 7-2 winners against a Jersey Development team, Easterbrook scoring a fine hat-trick. The first a penalty that saw Wixey looking to the heavens to say thank you before doing the honourable thing and giving it to Easterbrook to take. Flatt outjumped the goalkeeper to head home, Lock and Inyinbor completed the scoring.
Coach Basford is not amused as he is given a £100 parking ticket outside the hotel during lunch. He is confident that he will have it rescinded and says he has learnt his lesson.
Wixey plays nursemaid to Campbell while Harris does his impression of the Pied Piper of Hamelin, a line of children following him as he snakes across the rocks at La Corbiere.
A GPSFA quiz follows and shows some cannot even spell GPSFA, let alone name some of the officials. They are more successful with the football quiz apart from picking out Harris from a childhood snap. They are not amused and are even more amazed that he was once a child.
More sickness follows. New competitions emerge- who can fill the plastic bags and bins quickest and who can look the greenest? Irvine is the early leader in both. Arrowsmith has his own remedy - more showers.
Thursday
The team picks itself by virtue of the fact that the chosen few are able to walk to the pitch. Irvine spends the entire time off the field completely horizontal, Fieldhouse is not far behind. Fit again Flatt injures his ankle and has to come off. Understandably the team do not play to their potential and go down by a single goal to Barking & Dagenham. Irvine is declared man of the match as he has covered more ground than anyone else.
After the match, Flatt is seen resting his ankle in his Grandparents’ chair while they fuss around him like servants. When they need to move him, they carry him in his chair and King Ben is born.
The traffic warden who booked Basford the day before waits to see if he is stupid enough to repeat the offence and gain himself an easy bonus. Basford is and does. Another £100 fine is slapped on the windscreen. The traffic warden is last seen jumping in the air and clicking his heels.
Harris is nursemaid for the sick this time as Wixey leads the rest of the group in an assault on the town centre. All want to spend their parents’ hard earned money sensibly, but very few do.
This is followed by swimming in the hotel pool. It has the advantage of plastic bags, bins and toilets being nearby, thinks Wixey. It also means Irvine can remain horizontal when swimming. Arrowsmith uses the free time afterwards to jump into the shower.
Harding leaves a single piece of cheese during dinner and is out of the Premier Eating League race. Cooper is not bothered in the slightest and continues to devour everything, just because he can.
Friday
Wixey wakes up to more early morning knocking on the door to report more sickness, but thankfully all appear to be well come the match. Opponents Orpington A have had similar problems and there are fears the game could end up 5-a-side. Fieldhouse manages to dress himself with his shorts on backwards.
The team give a very good account of themselves and are the equals of a strong Orpington A team for most of the match, holding them to 1-1 until the last ten minutes before eventually going down 3-1. Taylor and Campbell turn in impressive performances and Fieldhouse scores a fine individual goal. A good display to bring to an end a great week of football for the B Team. By appearing in all the Gloucester A and B games, Cornwell becomes a record breaker by being the first person to play in twelve games in a single festival.
The coaches’ match was not the best advert for the game. The supposed role models seemed intent on doing everything at half pace as they huffed and puffed around the pitch. The spectators were not sure whether more cheating was squeezed into this short game or more fat squeezed into the kits. Harris suffered abuse from his charges for the whole game. They seemed intent on using the opportunity to return with interest every shout he had made from the touchline this season.
Irvine has not been horizontal for nearly four hours. This is rectified during lunch when he is ill once again.
Aquasplash wins the vote over guarding Basford’s minibus from marauding traffic wardens for the last activity of the tour.
Campbell becomes the team’s unofficial stylist as he checks and smartens everyone up in readiness for the evening’s Gala Dinner; Inyinbor presents him his the biggest challenge. The clapping and handshaking is surprisingly enjoyed by everyone. The captains are relieved when it is revealed they do not have to make speeches during the meal. So as not to waste their prepared speeches, three of them deliver them to the two teams afterwards, but Irvine disappointingly refrains, preferring to be horizontal instead.
Saturday
Inyinbor, Cornwell and Harris fall at the last hurdle and are struck down with the bug. Easterbrook, Cooper and Wixey are now the only ones to stay clear of the ravages for the whole of the week. Wixey collects as many plastic bags as he can for the journey home and puts them all inside a drawstring bag. Inyinbor grabs the bag and instead of taking one out, is sick over them all. Wixey is not amused. He only has clear bags left. Cornwell turns a shade of green more at home on a Dulux colour chart. Irvine struggles to rise from his horizontal position and is unsteady on his feet until he remembers how to use them. Harris just moans and groans and is of little use to anybody. During the checkout, Wixey sees a plumber enter Arrowsmith’s old room looking for a water leak. Apparently, the water usage has more than quadrupled during the past week. Wixey keeps quiet and closes the door.
As the plane takes off on its short flight back to the UK, the group can be very proud of how they have handled the week. The tough matches, being away from home, the formality of hotel living, being with 13 other people 24/7, being away from parents and the different food as well as the sickness. Throughout all of that, the group have still been able to have fun, smile and laugh for the whole of the time away. There have been many adventures, new places explored, many jokes played and many memories made.
Yes, Jersey 2017- it’s been a really great time.
