Saracens 0-9 Gloucester B by Lovin-life Lee
Have the week off, they said. You could even have a lie-in, they said. Enjoy some peace and quiet, they said. All sentences that were quickly forgotten come 8:30am last Saturday morning when a game had been arranged and we were greeted at the usual meeting point by Lock, who had clearly eaten a foghorn for breakfast that morning.
As we travelled the short journey to Cheltenham, we quickly passed through the very homeland where Coach Wixey was dragged up. A few ducks to miss the odd bullets and a quick getaway from the reprobates that were jealous of us still having four wheels on our bus and we were there!
Upon arrival, Gloucester quickly realised that they were going to have to play some football today as the pitch was 6ft by 10ft.
Gloucester's first goal came courtesy of a quick-thinking and precise counter attack. Thwarting a bit of Saracen's pressure, Irvine won the ball and laid it off to Easterbrook. His quick ball up the field was met and held by Lock. His quick pass to Flatt was quickly followed by a throughball to Fieldhouse. Another quick touch to set himself, Fieldhouse fired the ball into the bottom right to give the visitors the lead.
As was the pattern of the rest of the game, Gloucester continued to pressure. Fieldhouse did well on the left and played the ball into Arrowsmith who smashed the upright with his resulting shot. The rebound was then put wide from three yards via Easterbrook's right banana. This play was quickly followed up by Captain-for-the-day Fieldhouse's second goal. Similar to the first - good approach play and a great first touch allowed him to fire into the bottom right again.
Lock followed up by picking the ball up on the edge, running past a few, taking it round the keeper and slotting home for three before Campbell poached Taylor's goal on the line after good work from Lock on the left.
Quickly into the second half, Lock won the ball just outside the opposing area. With one touch, fired the ball into the bottom corner for another precise finish. Harding winning the ball quickly after laid the ball off to Lock who, feeling confident, fired the ball against the upright. This was quickly followed by Campbell who was trying his 97th long-range shot of the match.
Chuckle Brothers Harding and Flatt found themselves saying "To me - to you" a number of times before muddling themselves through to Lock. His touch inwards and a shot with his left into the bottom corner of the net to complete the hatrick. Similar to the previous, the Chuckle brothers passed between themselves and Harding fired in a cross to Lock who again slotted home for his fourth.
Worse than Easterbook's miss in the first half, Fieldhouse found himself under the opposition's bar and from the Gloucester corner headed the ball with his 50-pence head and put it over the bar from less than a yard out to miss out on his own hatrick.
The First Aid kits were at the ready for the last ten minutes as Harding and Irvine go upfront. Surely nosebleeds were inevitable. Harding had a number of opportunities, including a header from 3 yards out that would've been a perfect clearance had it been at the other end of the pitch. As it was, it turned into a very bad miss.
Campbell won the ball strongly at the back and laid the ball off to Arrowsmith. A threaded ball through the middle to Easterbrook saw him 'Strictly' his way passed 4 defenders before firing into the opposite side of the goal for a brilliant individual goal.
Now, I would like to describe the final goal as follows 'A precise long range pass from Cornwell bounced perfectly around the opposition's area, where Harding, ready to pounce, scared the keeper into not catching the travelling ball. With his eyes on the prize, flying backwards into the air, his legs 6ft off the ground, Harding's precise bicycle kick rifled the ball into the top corner to bag his first goal of the season'. That's how I'd like to describe it. I won't mention that it was more like a hoofed-ball up field, a dodgy bounce, Harding looking up and falling backwards and the ball bouncing off a flailing leg. I won't mention it at all.
However, what is certain, precisely as the goal went in, every man and woman on The Folley field stood still to look into the sky. "Is it a bird?" Cooper said. "Is it a plane?" Taylor said. "No", said Coach Harris, "It's just Harding's Mum still coming down from her triple-axel jump celebration after seeing her son finally bag a goal".
Either way, the game ended with the nine goals, Harding bagged his first goal, Campbell poached himself another, Taylor still sulking from that, Cornwell trying to count on one finger how many times he touched the ball, Irvine still reading his map to find the opposition area, Easterbrook still dizzy from his weaving goal, Lock still shouting something irrelevant, Fieldhouse trying to smoothen the edges of his 50-pence head, Arrowsmith still trying to work out which is his strongest foot, Flatt wondering where his Chuckle brother had gone and Cooper having forgotten there was even a match on just carried on playing in the mud.
Happily, the boys went off to get changed, watched the Saracens some more, Rugby tackled each other, ate a Mcdonalds in the cold and arrived home in time for some more dinner.
Have the week off, they said. You could even have a lie-in, they said. Enjoy some peace and quiet, they said. Not for me thanks. I'd much rather have more mornings like this, I said.
As we travelled the short journey to Cheltenham, we quickly passed through the very homeland where Coach Wixey was dragged up. A few ducks to miss the odd bullets and a quick getaway from the reprobates that were jealous of us still having four wheels on our bus and we were there!
Upon arrival, Gloucester quickly realised that they were going to have to play some football today as the pitch was 6ft by 10ft.
Gloucester's first goal came courtesy of a quick-thinking and precise counter attack. Thwarting a bit of Saracen's pressure, Irvine won the ball and laid it off to Easterbrook. His quick ball up the field was met and held by Lock. His quick pass to Flatt was quickly followed by a throughball to Fieldhouse. Another quick touch to set himself, Fieldhouse fired the ball into the bottom right to give the visitors the lead.
As was the pattern of the rest of the game, Gloucester continued to pressure. Fieldhouse did well on the left and played the ball into Arrowsmith who smashed the upright with his resulting shot. The rebound was then put wide from three yards via Easterbrook's right banana. This play was quickly followed up by Captain-for-the-day Fieldhouse's second goal. Similar to the first - good approach play and a great first touch allowed him to fire into the bottom right again.
Lock followed up by picking the ball up on the edge, running past a few, taking it round the keeper and slotting home for three before Campbell poached Taylor's goal on the line after good work from Lock on the left.
Quickly into the second half, Lock won the ball just outside the opposing area. With one touch, fired the ball into the bottom corner for another precise finish. Harding winning the ball quickly after laid the ball off to Lock who, feeling confident, fired the ball against the upright. This was quickly followed by Campbell who was trying his 97th long-range shot of the match.
Chuckle Brothers Harding and Flatt found themselves saying "To me - to you" a number of times before muddling themselves through to Lock. His touch inwards and a shot with his left into the bottom corner of the net to complete the hatrick. Similar to the previous, the Chuckle brothers passed between themselves and Harding fired in a cross to Lock who again slotted home for his fourth.
Worse than Easterbook's miss in the first half, Fieldhouse found himself under the opposition's bar and from the Gloucester corner headed the ball with his 50-pence head and put it over the bar from less than a yard out to miss out on his own hatrick.
The First Aid kits were at the ready for the last ten minutes as Harding and Irvine go upfront. Surely nosebleeds were inevitable. Harding had a number of opportunities, including a header from 3 yards out that would've been a perfect clearance had it been at the other end of the pitch. As it was, it turned into a very bad miss.
Campbell won the ball strongly at the back and laid the ball off to Arrowsmith. A threaded ball through the middle to Easterbrook saw him 'Strictly' his way passed 4 defenders before firing into the opposite side of the goal for a brilliant individual goal.
Now, I would like to describe the final goal as follows 'A precise long range pass from Cornwell bounced perfectly around the opposition's area, where Harding, ready to pounce, scared the keeper into not catching the travelling ball. With his eyes on the prize, flying backwards into the air, his legs 6ft off the ground, Harding's precise bicycle kick rifled the ball into the top corner to bag his first goal of the season'. That's how I'd like to describe it. I won't mention that it was more like a hoofed-ball up field, a dodgy bounce, Harding looking up and falling backwards and the ball bouncing off a flailing leg. I won't mention it at all.
However, what is certain, precisely as the goal went in, every man and woman on The Folley field stood still to look into the sky. "Is it a bird?" Cooper said. "Is it a plane?" Taylor said. "No", said Coach Harris, "It's just Harding's Mum still coming down from her triple-axel jump celebration after seeing her son finally bag a goal".
Either way, the game ended with the nine goals, Harding bagged his first goal, Campbell poached himself another, Taylor still sulking from that, Cornwell trying to count on one finger how many times he touched the ball, Irvine still reading his map to find the opposition area, Easterbrook still dizzy from his weaving goal, Lock still shouting something irrelevant, Fieldhouse trying to smoothen the edges of his 50-pence head, Arrowsmith still trying to work out which is his strongest foot, Flatt wondering where his Chuckle brother had gone and Cooper having forgotten there was even a match on just carried on playing in the mud.
Happily, the boys went off to get changed, watched the Saracens some more, Rugby tackled each other, ate a Mcdonalds in the cold and arrived home in time for some more dinner.
Have the week off, they said. You could even have a lie-in, they said. Enjoy some peace and quiet, they said. Not for me thanks. I'd much rather have more mornings like this, I said.
