Gloucester 8-0 Nottingham by Maid Marian
The day dawned warm and fair and the inner sanctum was in convivial mood as Longlevens prepared to host teams making round trips of some seven hundred miles between them in order to visit the hallowed turf.
The Chef was carrying advertising boards ten at a time, The Groundsman rolling the pitches in contrasting parallel lines, The Vice Chair attempting to thread 300 metres of rope through a single yellow pole and The Photographer engaging in early-morning conversation with anyone who’d (a) stood still for a moment and not looked behind them (b) decided to work in an area without an obvious emergency exit or (c) lost the use of their legs in much the same way they’d misplaced their hair follicles around a hundred years previously. And so it came to pass that Coach Stalley became drawn into a one-way conversation that at the time of writing shows few visible signs of abating.
Nottingham arrived in their usual 150-seat luxury transporter that contained thirteen players, three coaches and eight supporters who, having re-energised at Strensham Services, proceeded to go through a warm-up routine that even Plymouth would have been impressed with. Gloucester meanwhile, buoyed by the oddly early arrivals of Last Man Lawson (fifth) and Last Man Liggett (a highly creditable tenth) and the eventual appearance of a tired-looking Ronseal, made do with the rough grass and bramble infested borders of the ‘far corner’.
The first quarter of the game was evenly contested, Big Boot Moroney doing well to hold a well struck free kick from Friar and Desmond making a timely interception to deny Tuck.
It was Gloucester though that claimed the lead on sixteen minutes – Wilkes’ persistence on the right paying dividends, the midfielder’s fine cross being well finished first time by Blacker, giving Will Scarlet in the visitors’ goal no chance.
Chamberlain volleyed over following a fine cut back from Liggett who then played in Blacker to double the home side’s advantage. Chamberlain was next to offer an assist, Blacker sprinting free of a threadbare defence and getting over a sudden bout of mid-stride agoraphobia to complete a ten-minute treble – and still not a single hair out of place.
There was still time for the Raging Bull to be wrestled to the ground by the Nottingham centre back Alan-a-Dale, but Last Man Liggett, so deadly from the spot last time out, struck the penalty against the right hand post. With the game being filmed from the stand for technical purposes, the evidence soon found its way to the Sky Sports Studios where Danny Higginbotham was heard to describe the kick as ‘lacking conviction’, yet the grisly pundit was far more impressed by the ongoing commentary offered by the same player. ‘Very promising,’ was the verdict – and it would be hard to disagree with the bear’s considered opinion.
The second period began in much the same way as the first had finished. Boris, having warmed up giving guided tours around Historic Gloucester found his way around the Nottingham box from the off, grabbing the hosts’ fourth two minutes after striking the woodwork, before a neat turn and left foot shot from Liggett made it five almost immediately afterwards.
Two thumping headers from Ronseal and one from Last Man Lawson, together with three goalkeepers’ clearances that maintained a forward trajectory throughout their entire flight path were the highlights of the next four and a half minutes, before the hosts resumed their siege of the Nottingham goal.
Chamberlain and Wilkes were the providers for Boris to complete his treble before Chamberlain himself wrapped up the scoring, netting at the near post via a series of deflections from Bacon & Egg Blackburn’s left wing corner.
Shut-eye Clifford had a couple of efforts cleared off the line by Little John before the Sheriff signalled time, the players wandered off and the stadium was returned to a simple field.
‘Well played Gloucester,’ said Robin of Nottingham, ‘and really well played that man.’ ‘Thanks,’ replied Blacker, ‘and before you ask, I’m not telling you.’
Gloucester A: Moroney; Lynam, Mclean, Lawson; Wilkes, Chamberlain, Liggett, Clifford; Blacker. Subs: Jones, Blackburn, Smith.
The Chef was carrying advertising boards ten at a time, The Groundsman rolling the pitches in contrasting parallel lines, The Vice Chair attempting to thread 300 metres of rope through a single yellow pole and The Photographer engaging in early-morning conversation with anyone who’d (a) stood still for a moment and not looked behind them (b) decided to work in an area without an obvious emergency exit or (c) lost the use of their legs in much the same way they’d misplaced their hair follicles around a hundred years previously. And so it came to pass that Coach Stalley became drawn into a one-way conversation that at the time of writing shows few visible signs of abating.
Nottingham arrived in their usual 150-seat luxury transporter that contained thirteen players, three coaches and eight supporters who, having re-energised at Strensham Services, proceeded to go through a warm-up routine that even Plymouth would have been impressed with. Gloucester meanwhile, buoyed by the oddly early arrivals of Last Man Lawson (fifth) and Last Man Liggett (a highly creditable tenth) and the eventual appearance of a tired-looking Ronseal, made do with the rough grass and bramble infested borders of the ‘far corner’.
The first quarter of the game was evenly contested, Big Boot Moroney doing well to hold a well struck free kick from Friar and Desmond making a timely interception to deny Tuck.
It was Gloucester though that claimed the lead on sixteen minutes – Wilkes’ persistence on the right paying dividends, the midfielder’s fine cross being well finished first time by Blacker, giving Will Scarlet in the visitors’ goal no chance.
Chamberlain volleyed over following a fine cut back from Liggett who then played in Blacker to double the home side’s advantage. Chamberlain was next to offer an assist, Blacker sprinting free of a threadbare defence and getting over a sudden bout of mid-stride agoraphobia to complete a ten-minute treble – and still not a single hair out of place.
There was still time for the Raging Bull to be wrestled to the ground by the Nottingham centre back Alan-a-Dale, but Last Man Liggett, so deadly from the spot last time out, struck the penalty against the right hand post. With the game being filmed from the stand for technical purposes, the evidence soon found its way to the Sky Sports Studios where Danny Higginbotham was heard to describe the kick as ‘lacking conviction’, yet the grisly pundit was far more impressed by the ongoing commentary offered by the same player. ‘Very promising,’ was the verdict – and it would be hard to disagree with the bear’s considered opinion.
The second period began in much the same way as the first had finished. Boris, having warmed up giving guided tours around Historic Gloucester found his way around the Nottingham box from the off, grabbing the hosts’ fourth two minutes after striking the woodwork, before a neat turn and left foot shot from Liggett made it five almost immediately afterwards.
Two thumping headers from Ronseal and one from Last Man Lawson, together with three goalkeepers’ clearances that maintained a forward trajectory throughout their entire flight path were the highlights of the next four and a half minutes, before the hosts resumed their siege of the Nottingham goal.
Chamberlain and Wilkes were the providers for Boris to complete his treble before Chamberlain himself wrapped up the scoring, netting at the near post via a series of deflections from Bacon & Egg Blackburn’s left wing corner.
Shut-eye Clifford had a couple of efforts cleared off the line by Little John before the Sheriff signalled time, the players wandered off and the stadium was returned to a simple field.
‘Well played Gloucester,’ said Robin of Nottingham, ‘and really well played that man.’ ‘Thanks,’ replied Blacker, ‘and before you ask, I’m not telling you.’
Gloucester A: Moroney; Lynam, Mclean, Lawson; Wilkes, Chamberlain, Liggett, Clifford; Blacker. Subs: Jones, Blackburn, Smith.
